May 012016

Hempz Original vs Nivea Smooth Sensation

The second game for the Midwest Body Division pits a very popular dooby smoking team against a well known name in the skin business that owns an obscure team.  It’s Hempz Original vs Nivea Smooth Sensation.  Who will emerge victorious in this Best Body Moisturizer for Extremely Dry Skin Bowl?

Hempz Original Herbal Body Moisturizer

[break]Nivea Smooth Sensation Daily Lotion for Dry Skin (the projected winner of the Best Body Moisturizer for Extremely Dry Skin Bowl).











Do You Want the FAVORITE of this Match Up?


Hempz Original Herbal Body Moisturizer is a cracker jack of a team.  Opponents think they smell like bubble gum.  But, true fans love them to a fault.

Nivea Smooth Sensation Daily Lotion for Dry Skin has a small following.  But, the fans that love Nivea REALLY love them.  As a skin conditioner this teams product is described as light weight (in a good way).

In the Midwest Body Division, Hempz Original comes on strong (with fragrance and irreverence). Nivea Smooth Sensation brings a more humble but strong team structure.

Will the laid back Hempz Original come into this game smokin’  Or, will the reserved consistent Nivea Smooth Sensation slip in a win?  With the strong conflict in team personalities, this should shape up to be a great but strange game.


Here are the players (ingredients) for each team (product).

Hempz Original Herbal Body Moisturizer

Hempz Original Herbal Body Moisturizer

[wpi_designer_button text='I WANT THIS TEAM' link='/internal/HempzOriginalHerbalBodyMoisturizer' style_id='276' icon='digg' target='_blank']

Hempz Original Herbal Body Moisturizer’s full team consists of:

  • Water
  • Propylene Glycol
  • *Isopropyl Palmitate
  • *Stearic Acid
  • Sorbitan Palmitate
  • Buytrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter)
  • Glyceryl Stearate
  • PEG-100 Stearate
  • Cetyl Alcohol
  • Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice Powder
  • Triethanolamine
  • Cucumis Sativus (Cucumber) Fruit Extract
  • Panax Ginseng Root Extract
  • Glycerin
  • Calendula Officinalis Flower Extract
  • Symphytum Officinale Leaf Extract
  • Althea Officinalis Root Extract
  • Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract
  • Dimethicone
  • Polysorbate-40
  • Retinyl Palmitate (Vitamin A Palmitate)
  • Fragrance
  • Lilial
  • Butylphenyl Methylpropional
  • Benzyl Salicylate
  • –Amylcinnamaldehyde
  • Lyral
  • –Methylisothiazolinone
  • Eugenol
  • Hexyl Cinnamal
  • *Citronellol
  • Methyl 2-Octynoate
  • Phenoxyethanol
  • Tocopheryl Acetate
  • Aminomethyl Propanol
  • Cannabis Sativa (Hemp) Seed Oil
  • Helianthus Annuus (Sunflower) Oil
  • *Carbomer
  • Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C)
  • Disodium EDTA
  • Nylon-12

Hempz Original has found its abundance of players from all corners of the earth.  Can Hempz Original chose the right combination of players to confuse and daze its opponent?

Nivea Smooth Sensation Daily Lotion for Dry Skin

Nivea Smooth Sensation Daily Lotion for Dry Skin (the projected winner of the Best Body Moisturizer for Extremely Dry Skin Bowl).

[wpi_designer_button text='I WANT THIS TEAM' link='/internal/NiveaSmoothSensationDailyLotionforDrySkin' style_id='276' icon='digg' target='_blank']

Nivea Smooth Sensation’s complicated roster includes:

  • *Water
  • -Glycerin
  • -Mineral Oil
  • %Caprylic/Capric Triglycerides
  • *Cetyl Alcohol
  • Dimethicone
  • Glyceryl Stearate
  • Cyclopentasiloxane
  • Cyclohexasiloxane
  • PEG 40 Stearate
  • *Ginkgo Biloba Leaf Extract
  • -Tocopheryl Acetate
  • Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter)
  • -Phenoxyethanol
  • Fragrance
  • Carbomer
  • Sodium Hydroxide
  • Edta
  • Methylparaben
  • Propylparaben

Nivea Smooth Sensation has a smaller, but very effective group of players.  But, is there enough depth to penetrate (the skin) to provide a true winning difference?

Best Body Moisturizer for Extremely Dry Skin Bowl – Drive By Drive Game Details

In this Best Body Moisturizer for Extremely Dry Skin Bowl, this section covers each drive, blow by blow.

Each team’s players (ingredients) will star in a drive.  If a player is worthy of a score, they may end up scoring using their talents (what that ingredient does).  The team with the most points at the end of regulation time is the winner.

Nivea Smooth Sensation Wins the Toss and Will Receive

The coin flip is won by Nivea Smooth Sensation and Hempz Original will open the game kicking off.

Nivea Smooth Sensation Opens with a Splash

To open the game, the Nivea Smooth Sensation coach turns on the faucet with his top player.

Water Drop

“Water Drop” by J. FROG (CC BY 2.0), via

Water is tapped to start the first drive which will start at their own 20 yard line after the kickoff went for a touchback.

Water provides much of what skin needs: moisture.

Water’s talents don’t stop there. Water can dissolve other ingredients. It works well with other players to provide skin conditioning and cleansing.

Water works with oils to create emulsions that form creams and lotions.

A Toxin Free Drive

Water is also free of toxins and can present in the forms of distilled and purified.

Water opens the drive in the shotgun, and the Nivea coach sends in Mineral Oil to work at WR. On the snap, Mineral Oil runs a short in route that Water squirts right into the passing window for an 8 yard gain.

Water then lines up in the wildcat and rushes off right end twice for 5 and 9 yards.

On 2nd and 1, Water drops back to pass and jets a pass in to Mineral Oil for 22 yards.

Water then wildcats for 4 and 0 yards to bring up 3rd down.

On 3rd down, Water flows back to pass and with a spritz, moves outside the pocket away from the pass rush. Not finding anyone open, Water streams up field and dives for the 1st down marker just getting the first down.

On two straight pass plays, Water isn’t able find any open receivers and has to scramble. The defense is able to keep Water bottled up for no gain and 2 yards on each play.

On 3rd and long, Water starts in the shotgun, and looks for Mineral Oil to the left. But, MinnieO isn’t open on the first cut. Water has to shoot past the rushing defense, and gushes towards the line of scrimmage. But, seeing MinnieO keeping the route alive, Water splashes the pass into the end zone and MinneO makes the catch for a TOUCHDOWN! The extra point (Water helps with moisturization of skin) was GOOD!

Hempz Wafts in with Isopropyl Palmitate

The Hempz coach begins the first drive from the 20 yard line after the kickoff.

Hempz is looking for a good smelling drive to begin the game, so sprays Isopropyl Palmitate into the game.

Isopropyl Palmitate is a fragrant, good smelling player that has binding and skin conditioning features to his game. IsoPalm (as he’s know to his friends), also has some anti-static properties.

IsoPalm is also known for emollient and solvent properties.

To start the drive, IsoPalm goes in motion and runs a flower pedal curl pattern for a completion of 9 yards.

IsoPalm then takes the hand off on the next play and mixes it up the middle for a nice 8 yard gallop.

The Hempz coach really likes the way IsoPalm is mixing things up, and continues with pass, run and pass plays for 12, 4, and 7 yards respectively.

Play Action

IsoPalm then throws off the play pattern by taking a play action fake hand off. On the play, IsoPalm skips out into the shallow middle of the field after the fake. The Hempz QB lets the WRs drive the secondary deep, opening up the middle of the field.


“140503-N-GC965-134.jpg” by Commander, U.S. 7th Fleet (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

IsoPalm takes a dump pass and immediately cuts to the left side of the field avoiding the defensive LB. IsoPalm avoids defensive players like he’s an anti-static dryer sheet as he weaves his way inside and outside of defenders. The Nivea defenders finally corral IsoPalm to the sidelines and run him out of bounds. But, not until IsoPalm gains 30 yards.

Feeling like the defense is on it’s heels, the Hempz coach tried to get some cheap yards with two quick runs up the middle. But, IsoPalm binds to a lineman and isn’t able to get away on either play. The runs go for a one yard loss and for 2 yards to bring up 3rd down and long.

From the 9 yard line, IsoPalm goes in motion on the 3rd down play and tries to settle down in an open zone in the secondary. But, the Nivea defense is able to read the Hempz QB’s eyes as he comes back to IsoPalm for the pass. The pass is knocked down.

For 4th down and long, IsoPalm is asked to try and leave the team with a good smell with a 27 yard FG attempt. The kick is up and it is GOOD!

Nivea Gets Earthy with Mineral Oil

After the kickoff is returned to the 18 yard line, the Nivea Smooth Sensation Daily Lotion for Dry Skin coach digs deep to try and strike oil.

Mineral Oil, Front

“Mineral Oil, Front” by Angela Mabray (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

The result is Mineral Oil. Mineral Oil is derived from petroleum and can be a Bad Ass. But, not everything is kosher with Mineral Oil. He’s been rumored to cause toxicity to internal organs. But, for the Nivea coach Mineral Oil does a great job of retaining moisture in the teams skin.

Mineral Oil starts off the drive off very conservative to avoid the ire of the referees (Mineral Oil has been know to be on their bad side). The play is a run off right tackle and nets a nice gain of 4 yards.

On 2nd down, Mineral Oil continues to try and run the ball. This time the interal line gaps are full, so Mineral Oil bounces outside and dives for the first down as he slips and slides out of bounds just short of the first down.

On 3rd down, Mineral Oil lines up in the shotgun and takes the snap. But, the Hempz defense is up on the WRs and doesn’t let Mineral Oil make a quick pass. Mineral Oil scrambles inside and outside of would be tacklers as he tries to find a WR down field. Eventually Mineral Oil is wiped out for a 7 yard loss.

On 4th down, Mineral Oil boots a high deep punt for 51 yards in the air. The Hempz returner catches the ball on the run and is immediately hit with a glancing blow. The Hempz return man falls forward after gaining 4 yards.

Hempz Inhales with Carbomer

The Hempz Original Herbal Body Moisturizer coach looks to gain on the teams defensive stop by capitalizing Carbomer.

Carbomer uses his thick skull as a battering ram for this team. He gives the team viscosity and if needed and work with water to increase his size by 1000 fold.

Jacob Ram skull

“Jacob Ram skull” by Anthony (CC BY-ND 2.0), via

Carbomer starts the series off with some skull ramming thick runs of 2, 7, and 3 yards.

Hoping to catch the defense off balance, Carbomer fakes a handoff with play action. But, the defense isn’t fooled and what started off as a run blitz, sacks the Hempz QB for a 13 yard loss.

Needing a big play, the Hempz coach sends in Water to work with Carbomer on a deep route. With a max protect blocking scheme, Carbomer runs a post from the left and Water runs a post from the right. They meet in the middle and Carbomer swells up to be twice the size of the defenders. The pass is on target for a big 43 yard gainer.

Carbomer then goes back to thickening play with a handoff. The defense is having trouble bringing down the still swelled up Carbomer, and being frustrated pulls Carbomer down by the face mask.

After the penalty is marked off, Hempz has a 1st and goal from the 8 yard line. Carbomer goes in motion and with a push route, pushes the LB into the end zone and blocks him out like the sun. The Hempz QB throws high and hard, and Carbomer uses his thick hands to pull the pass in for a TOUCHDOWN!! The extra point (forms colloidal) is GOOD!

Nivea Goes Natural with Ginkgo Biloba Leaf Extract

The Nivea Smooth Sensation coach needs an answer to the Hempz touchdown and goes Ginkgo.

Ginkgo Biloba Leaf Extract brings a plethera of talent to the table for the Nivea coach.

GBill as he’s known to fans provides a variety of skin conditioning expertise to the game for Nivea. He boasts these skills:

  • Potent antioxidant
  • Anti-inflammatory
  • Soothing demeanor
  • Treats Acne
  • Treats Eczema
  • Relieves skin redness
  • Vasodilator (increases circulation)
  • Improves sebaceous gland secretions
  • Reduces capillary hyper-permeability
  • Benefits tissue irrigation
  • Increases cell metabolism
  • revents capillary fragility
  • Improves the generation of fibroblast collagen
  • Stops de-pigmentation
  • Help regenerate pigmentation

Quite a laundry list of talents to use in this drive.

The Drive

GBill starts of the drive taking the handoff and digs through the tissues of the line and irrigates for 7 yards.

Nuclear Pore

“Nuclear Pore” by Pommiebastards (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

Lining up a RB again, GBill runs up the middle, but the holes were clogged giving GBill some work to do to open up those pores. The play went for 1 yard.

On 3rd down and short, GBill goes in motion and at the snap soothes the inflammitory defensive secondary by faking inside and turning outside. The Nivea QB pass was crisp and on targer for a 4 yard gain and a first down.

GBill lines up outside looking for a mismatch on an acne LB. GBill pounds the Acne LB as he comes off the line of scrimmage, and gets a step on the defender. The Nivea QB sees the mismatch, but looks off the safety first to give GBill some room to maneuver. The Nivea QB comes back and throws the ball deep down the sidelines. GBill fades towards the sidelines and makes the catch while leaning out of bounds. The play goes for 22 yards.

Pete and Repeat

Liking the play so much the Nivea coach dials up the same play again. This time the Acne LB gives GBill some pressure and the safety doesn’t go for the look off. Not seeing the same open GBill, the Nivea QB sails the ball out of bounds for an incompletion.

On 2nd down and 10 yards to go, GBill takes a draw play handoff, and hits the left tackle hole hard. The defense being a little off balance is soft on the tackle and the play goes for 9 yards.

After the end of the 1st quarter, the teams switch sides, and GBill lines up at RB for the 3rd down and 1 yards. GBill takes the handoff, and hits the back of the offensive line hard, going no where.

However, the defensive end was lined up offsides, and the 5 yard penalty is marched off giving Nivea a 1st down.

The Nivea coach begins to feel the defense getting tired and calls GBill’s number for runs of 8 (kills a zit on the run), 5 (clears up some skin), and 5 (avoids antioxident defenders on the run) yards to get to the 1 yard line.

GBill takes the short handoff from the 1 and plunges over the top of the defense for the 1 yard TOUCHDOWN! The extra point (regenerates cells) is GOOD!

Hempz Firms Up the Offense with Stearic Acid

After losing the lead, the Hempz Original coach is looking for a strong hard bounce back.

Stearic Acid seems like the best choice to coach. So, Stearic Acid enters the game to try and get the lead back.

Stearic Acid is one tough hombre. His talents include:

  • A strong cleaner
  • Surfactant (reduces surface tension)
  • Emulsifier (provides a touch, stable quality)
  • Masking (pleasant fragrance to hide a stinky offense)
  • Refatting (replenishes the lipids in skin)

Starting at their own 20 yard line, Stearic Acid goes out to lead the team and to try and stablize the offense.

What a smell

“What a smell” by Vikram Sorathia (CC BY 2.0), via

After a nice run of 9 yards, Stearic Acid takes a shot deep and connects for a wonderful smelling 42 yard gain.

Thinking that they can take advantage of a weak link in the defense, Stearic Acid goes right back to the well and connects for a 29 yard TD. However, the play was nullified by a touch holding call.

Stearic Acid pushed hard to recover from the penalty. But, Stearic Acid couldn’t reduce the surface tension, or replenish the lipids enough to get another first down.

Hempz was able to get close enough to try a 23 yard FG. Stearic Acid made the kick to bring Hempz within a point again.

Nivea Stabalized Game with Cetyl Alcohol

The Nivea Smooth Sensation coach was very relieved that his defense didn’t give up the lead. But, he is very concerned that Hempz almost tied the score and is staying very competitive.

fark-foam-buses-080611 (The cast of Mutiny on the Buses getting up to some foamy hijinks with foam guy)

“fark-foam-buses-080611” by mustikkamäki (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

Coach looking for a strong response, squirts some foam into the game with Cetyl Alcohol. Cetyl Alcohol is known as a foam booster. He has other talents as well like increasing viscosity without water, being an emulsifying booster or if needed a stabilizer.

Cetyl Alcohol can also make things a little less clear. This can be a good thing if the defense is doing a good job focusing on the offense. C-Alc is his nickname.

C-Alc uses all of his talents in this drive and gives his coach the response he wants.

He starts with some emulsion stabilizer runs of 12 and 0 yards. With a boost of foam, C-Alc splits defenders for a 14 yard catch.

With more viscous runs, C-Alc keeps the chains and the clock moving. The Nivea coach is looking to not leave Hempz with any time before the half. Runs of 0, 2, 10, 5, and 0 runs the clock past the 2 minute warning.

A big 3rd down and 5 has C-Alc emulsify the defense with a double move. The QB hits C-Alc in stride deep and C-Alc is pushed out after a big 39 yard gainer.

Three plays later, C-Alc runs a crossing pattern for a 2 yard TOUCHDOWN! The extra point (treats rough, scaly skin) is GOOD!

Hempz Goes for Broke with Citronellol

With less than a minute left in the game, the Hempz Original coach is looking for lighting in a bottle. But, he’ll settle for Citronellol to try and dial up a smell storm of offense.


“sniff” by Tricia (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

Citronellol only has one strong talent and it’s the talent of fragrance. Used to mask the stench of some of his teammates, Citronellol brings a strong presence to the field.

The defense can smell Citronellol from a mile away. But, they are wary of his break away talents. Sometimes the defense finds themselves grasping at hints of a scent as they try to tackle Citronellol. The Hempz coach is hoping Citronellol can get a big gainer or two for a quick score before the half.

On the first play, Citronellol takes a short screen pass and tries to juke some of the defender. But, the defensive pursuit is too much and Citronellol is limited to 7 yards as he defense sniffs out the play. Hempz calls a quick timeout to stop the clock.

Coach sends Citronellol out with his specialty play in hand. It’s an olfactory of misdirection as Citronellol lines up in the shotgun with 40 seconds left in the half.

Citronellol scrambles around looking for a receiver. But, he can’t elude the defense as they have inserted some super sniffers into the game. Citronellol starts to fumble the ball, but recovers for no gain as the clock keeps running.

Coach seeing the truly hideous smelling play realized that Citronellol is more likely to give up ball and points if he’s not careful. So, coach allows the clock to run and both sides agree to take it to halftime.

Box Score

[table id=18/]

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.