Aug 012015

O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream vs Burt’s Bees Coconut Foot Crème

FINAL SCORE: O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream vs Burt’s Bees Foot Crème (38-35)

The inaugural game for the Southern Feet Division pits two giants of the feet cream genre of lotions.  It’s O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream vs Burt’s Bees Foot Crème.

Burt’s Bees bring a strong fan base that they’ve built with various products like lip balms, facial creams, baby skin care, etc.  They have a strong fan base that they bring to the table.

O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream specializes in hand and feet products.  They have lived in the foot arena from early on and have built a strong reputation and a strong fan base themselves.

Do You WANT the Winner of this match up?

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In the Southern Feet Division, the critics love the popular name of Burt’s Bees.  But, O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream has a more focused fan base in the foot genre.  The match up is shaping up to be a great one!

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Here are the players (ingredients) for each team (product).

O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream

O'Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream

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Star players for O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream:
  • *Water (O’Keeffe flavor)
  • *Glycerin
  • *Stearic Acid
  • *Ammonium Stearate
  • *Ammonium Borate
  • *Dimethicone
  • *Ceteth-10
  • Laureth-4
  • *Paraffin
  • *Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose
  • *Allantoin
  • Octyldodecyl Stearate
  • *Diazolidinyl Urea
  • Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate

O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream has gone to the consonant farm for some of these players.  Do they have the talent to win?  Or, maybe the element of surprise as many opponents just don’t know how to defend these players.

Burt’s Bees Coconut Foot Crème

Burt’s Bees Coconut Foot Crème

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Burt’s Bees star players:
  • *Glycerin
  • *Olea europaea (olive) fruit oil
  • *Avena sativa (oat) kernel flour
  • *Lanolin
  • *Fragrance
  • *Cocos nucifera (coconut) oil
  • *Quillaja saponaria (quillaja) bark extract
  • Avena sativa (oat) kernel oil
  • *Tocopherolrosmarinus officinalis (rosemary) leaf extract
  • Glycine soja (soybean) oil
  • *Canola oil
  • *Butylphenyl methylpropional
  • Coumarin
  • Limonene
  • Linalool

Burt’s Bees has amassed a full roster of talented players.  Can the coaching use these players to their fullest potential in this head to head battle?

Drive By Drive Game Details

O’Keeffe Leads Off with Water

background waterfalls magnificent

“background waterfalls magnificent” by Elise F* (Public Domain Mark 1.0), via

It’s such a simple play.  Not many teams have Water as their leading ingredient.  But, the O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach has confidence in O’Keeffe Water.

O’Keeffe Water has smooth moves.  But, it doesn’t overwhelm the team.  Fans of O’Keeffe describe the application of the product as “smooth and silky”.

With moves like that O’Keeffe Water was able to make the Burt’s Bee defense look porous.  O’Keeffe Water used it’s smooth and silky moves to wind though the defense with ease.

O’Keeffe completed the drive with a 8 yard sweep that included several fakes that left defenders wondering where O’Keeffe Water had gone.  But, the defense felt the power of what was left behind, even if they couldn’t put their finger on it.  Run from 8 yards, TOUCHDOWN!  Extra point GOOD!

Burt’s Bees Responds with Vegetable Glycerin

Sensing a slug fest between these two giants of foot products, Burt’s Bees coach brings out the big guns from the  beginning.  Vegetable Glycerin is the highest percentage player on this talented team.


“Vegetables” by Lisa Pinehill (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

Several players in this league come from the Vegetable Glycerin family.  Burt’s teammates refer to this team leader as BB’s Glycerol.  Or, sometimes BBG.

For those that prefer animal friendly products, this player fills the box scores with vegetarian stats.  The basis of BBGs talent comes from three carbon atoms that are chained together.  Attached to the chain are hydrogen atoms and hydroxyl.

BBG takes control of Burt’s Bees offense and quickly moves down the field.  Providing substance and sweet (literally) moves, Burt’s moves quickly into FG range.

The smoothness of BBG in Burt’s offense results in a pass that slides down the seam in between defenders for a 33 yard pass reception for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (BBG’s lubrication) was GOOD!

O’Keeffe Taps Ammonium Borate

The O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach feeling the fire of Burt’s Bee sting sends in it’s own fireman to douse this fire.

Ammonium Borate is a player with several talents.  The talent the O’Keeffe coach is looking for is AB’s fire retardant abilities.

AB responds by blocking Burt’s Bee sting to keep skin cool (not on fire).  This results in several 1st downs to keep the chains moving.

Ultra Slut Body Detergent

“Ultra Slut Body Detergent” by Kevin Hutchinson (CC BY 2.0), via

The BB bee sting defense just can’t land a stinger on AB.  Ammonium Borate then uses its detergent talent to bleach a path up the middle of BB’s defense.  Big gainers of 14, 18, and 12 put O’Keeffe into the Red Zone.

AB has a low toxicity to humans, and as a result AB is stuffed on 1st and 2nd down.  Affecting small pets results in a sack of AB on a roll out passing play.  This leaves O’Keeffe with 4th down on the 28 yard line.

AB lines up for the kick, and mixing with water (the holder), Ammonium Borate is able to kick a 38 yard FG straight up the middle of the uprights.  FG GOOD!

Burt’s Bees Sends in Fruit Oil

Olea Europaea (olive) Fruit Oil, nicknamed OEFO by teammates, enters the game to give Burt’s Bee coach some slick talent on the field.

Not so well known in the league, OEFO brings some surprising talent to the field.

On the first play from scrimmage, OEFO throws out it’s scrubbing agents Olive Acid, Potassium Olivate, and Sodium Olivate on consecutive plays.  The plays go for 8 yards, 5 yards for a first down.  And, then 13 yards to clean up that act.

Olea Europaea Fruit Oil then emulsifies the defense with strong rushes up the middle using the talents Potassium Olivate, and Sodium Olivate.  These result in strong gains of 4 yards a piece and cross midfield as the 2nd quarter ends.

OEFO then lays out thick for a viscous catch across the middle.  This play thumps the O’Keeffe defense for 25 yards as their DB look like their shoes are stuck in molasses trying to keep up.

OEFO then reaches deep in the playbook for a ripe low hanging play that pits (olive style) OEFO one on one with the O’Keeffe cornerback.  OEFO slides down for a complex catch for the 20 yard TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (being edible) was GOOD.

O’Keeffe Sends the Waxy Stearic Acid Into the Game

With O’Keeffe finding themselves behind in this game, the O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach calls on Stearic Acid to run the offense.

Stearic Acid is the 3rd most used talent on the O’Keeffe team and brings true waxy substance to the game.

Touch (smooth and silky)

“Touch” by Paula Satijn (CC BY-ND 2.0), via

Stearic Acid has talents that bring a waxy thickness to the teamStearic Acid helps to turn this team from more of a lotion consistency, to a creamy consistency.  Fans describe the cream as smooth and silky.  Stearic Acid works with other players on the team to contribute to that description.

Stearic Acid is an 18 chain carbon molecule (C17H35CO2H) that is also sometimes called octadecanoic acid.  Sometimes Stearic Acis is teamed up with Esters to run saponification plays giving O’Keeffe crystallization talents that give the team that smooth silky feeling.

Stearic Acid uses it’s smooth talents to move down the field on runs of 6, 7 and 9 yards.  It’s silky smoothness leaves the Burt Bee’s defense in the dry cracked dust.

Coach Slips in Some Esters

In the middle of the drive the O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach sends some Esters into the game and teams up with Stearic Acid to run it’s famous saponification play.  Burt Bee’s sees Esters come into the game and tries to crack the offensive line and bust some dryness into the backfield.  But, Stearic Acid sees the blitz coming and smoothly adjusts the play to the outside.

The saponification play generates enough silky Glycerol to slip past defenders for 42 yards into the red feet zone.

Stearic Acid is ready to attack the red zone and pounds out runs of 4, 2, and 8 yards for a 1st and goal from the 3 yard line.

Burt Bee’s stuffs the line on the first play shoving moisture sucking dry mountains of defensive lineman into the game.

So, on the next play, Stearic Acid calls a left side sweep around the big heavy defensive lineman and slips into the end zone for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (having detergent qualities) is GOOD!

Burt’s Bees Sows Oats

Burt’s Bees coach stirs oats into the game, sending in Avena sativa (oat) kernel flour.

Avena Sativa brings a soothing talent to the field.  It soothes skin that is inflamed or otherwise damaged.

On the first couple of plays from scrimmage, Avena Sativa uses whole oat grains to grind out tough short yardage plays of 1, 3, 6 (measured for a first down), and 8 yards.

Using max protection, Avena Sativa uses play action to freeze the defense.  The ball is thrown deep for a 35 yard completion.

With smooth soothing strides, Avena Sativa slides outside on a sweep that gains 15 yards.

Avena Sativa combines with mineral oil on the next play for another 10 yards, blocking out the O’Keeffe defense that is just itching to get a solid hit on Avena Sativa.

But, Avena Sativa is unstoppable on the drive and grinds out an 8 yard scrum up the middle for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (itch protection) was GOOD!

O’Keeffe Tries to Pull Together with Ammonium Stearate

The O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach feeling the need to keep his team together calls on Ammonium Stearate to captain a drive to try and capture the lead going into halftime.

Ammonium Stearate brings talents to the table that are especially good at keeping teammates (other O’Keeffe ingredients) together.

Keeping the oils on the team and the liquids on the team together in emulsion form is one of Ammonium Stearate’s talents.

With only a little over four minutes before halftime, the O’Keeffe coach needs to score.  But, not score so quickly that it gives Burt’s Bees time to respond.

To start the drive, Ammonium Stearate mixes with the offensive line of oils and liquids to form a thick powerful line that is able to push for runs of 4, 3 and 5 yards.

Time to Get Slippery with Ammonium Stearate


“Squirt” by Aimee Plesa (CC BY 2.0), via

Ammonium Stearate then pulls out its lubricating talent to squirt to the outside for a 14 yard gainer.  This took the clock to the 2 minute warning.

Ammonium Stearate calls a screen pass and slips past a defense that is using skin drying safeties to try and muck up the play.  The screen pass goes for 27 yards.

As O’Keeffe tries to move into the red zone, the referee’s (from Canada) flag Ammonium Stearate as a possible toxin.  The O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach is livid as the evidence for toxicity is very weak.  But, the referees don’t understand what all the complaining is aboot.

O’Keeffe tries the screen pass again on 1st and long, but only gets back 7 yards.  Another attempt at an emulsion play up the middle gains another 6.  But, on 3rd down, Ammonium Stearate isn’t able to complete a pass.

Ammonium Stearate pulls it together for a 38 yard FG to draw O’Keeffe within a point with 16 seconds on the clock.

Burt’s Bees Sheepishly Inserts Lanolin

The Burt’s Bees coach looks down its bench and sees Lanolin presenting a sheepish grin.

Feeling good karma from that grin, the coach sends Lanolin into the game to start the second half.

Counting Sheep

“Counting Sheep” by Tim Green (CC BY 2.0), via

Lanolin brings several talents to the game that is derived from wool fat typically from sheep.

The waxy or sometimes oily substance provides beautification techniques for skin, and protects skin as well.

The Burt’s Bees drive starts with Lanolin on a shweep around the right side.  Lanolin weaves its way in and around defender for a healthy 14 yard gallop.

Hurrying up to the line of scrimmage, Lanolin tries to catch the defense off balance and calls a draw play up the middle.  Lanolin runs right over the defensive player Eczema.  As Eczema is no match for Lanolin’s treatment.

Lanolin then stays in the pocket to protect the quarterback.  With the extra time, Burt’s Bees is able to run a deep pattern waxing towards the end zone for a big gainer.

On a woolly play, Lanolin runs a slant pattern that is tipped up 15 yards up into the air.  Burt’s Bees fans hold their breath, but with Lanolin being odorless, there was no need as Lanolin leaps up high into the air to out jump the O’Keeffe defense.

Lanolin comes down with the ball and falls into the end zone completing a 23 yard completion for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (emollient skin smoothing) is GOOD!

O’Keeffe Slips Dimethicone into the Game

The O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach is losing his grip on the game, so he decides to try to give the Burt’s Bees coach something to think about.

Dimethicone is known for being a slippery player that is difficult to tackle.

But, he has other lesser known talents like the following (just to name a few):

  • Non-toxic
  • Clear
  • Inert
  • Non-flammable
  • Antifoaming

Dimethicone starts O’Keeffe’s first second half drive with an Antifoaming play.  In this play, Dimethicone covers up the field with blocks that prevent Burt’s Bees defensive players from foaming up the play.

Dimethicone follows up the 14 yard sweep run with a screen pass that would have burned the defense, but Dimethicone drops the pass.

On the next play Dimethicone, goes clear (see through) and hiding behind some massive O’Keeffe offensive lineman, Dimethicone hides behind the lineman as they pull for a sweep to the right side of the line.

Dimethicone breaks into the secondary one the play and burst past the Burt’s Bees defense for a 65 yard run for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (easily spreadable) is GOOD!

Burt’s Bee Sniffs for Gold with Fragrance

The Burt’s Bee coach looks down its bench and the next ingredient up for playing time is Fragrance.

Feast of Fragrance

“Feast of Fragrance” by Meena Kadri (CC BY 2.0), via

Fragrance is known for flooding the other teams olfactory with clouds of power.

On the first play from scrimmage in this drive, Burt’s Bee Fragrance powers up the middle with runs that have an aroma of dust.  Off tackle in a cloud of dust for gains of 4 and 3 yards.

On 3rd down a quick pitch to the outside has Fragrance blowing around the end for 8 yards.

On the next play Fragrance lines up in the shotgun, and drops back for a pass.  The gun powder smell is evident as Fragrance drills a pass up field for a 15 yard catch.

Fragrance attempts another power run up the middle, but the defense is able to detect the scent of the play and stuffs it for a 3 yard loss.

On 2nd and long, Fragrance sails a billowing pass to the outside, but the defense is able to detect the route and gets a hand on the ball.

This brings up 3rd down and 13.  Fragrance drops back to pass, but the pass has a rancid smell and sails over the head of the WR.

On 4th down, Fragrance punts the ball into the end zone for a touchback.

O’Keeffe Sends Out Diazolidinyl Urea

The O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach looks down at the end of his bench and decides to take a risk on Diazolidinyl Urea.

Diazolidinyl Urea is known to be a preservative that can help your skin remain elastic and looking new.

On the first play, Diazolidinyl Urea is hit in the back field and FUMBLES!  The ball bounces backwards and Cocos Nucifera for Burt’s Bees stands tall to grab the ball and returns the fumble 8 yards for a TOUCHDOWN for Burt’s Bees!  The extra point (growing coconuts) is GOOD!

O’Keeffe Lays it on Thick with Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose

The O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach wanting to respond with a solid showing, sends Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose into the game.

Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose brings quite a lot to the tables for O’Keeffe:

  • Abrasiveness (gets under the skin of opponents)
  • Absorbent (can take hits)
  • Adhesive (good hands team)
  • Anticaking agent (runs with fluid motion)
  • Binder (sticks to the game plan)
  • Bulking agent (muscle mass has rumors of steroid use)
  • Emulsion stabilizer (keeps the peace during inter-team fights)
  • Film former (keeps a layer of protection around QB if left in to block)
  • Opacifying agent (defenses can’t see through him on QB reads)
  • Skin conditioning agent (keeps the QBs skin protected from harm)
  • Slip modifier (solid footwork running in the trenches)
  • Viscosity increasing agent (lays it on thick during trash talking)

HyMeth Ready to Roll After KickOff

After the Burt’s Bee kickoff is returned to the 19 yard line, HyMeth (the full name is just too much of a mouthful for game play) enters the game.

All Purpose 1602 Family (adhesive)

“All Purpose 1602 Family” by CARLISLE HVAC (CC BY 2.0), via

HyMeth starts the drive receiving a screen pass in the right flat.  HyMeth reaches back behind his head and the ball sticks like adhesive to his hand.

Pulling the ball in, HyMeth rights himself before the defense can get past blockers.  Using anti-caking high stepping, HyMeth avoids two potential tacklers and moves into the open field.

As the defense catches up to HyMeth, he uses his bulking agent capabilities to drag defenders further downfield.  By the time the defense was able to drap HyMeth down, he had gained 42 yards.

On the next two plays, HyMeth took handoffs and absorbed hits dragging defenders for gains of 2 and another 2 yards.

As the 3rd quarter ended, HyMeth took in another short pass for 7 more yards and a first down.

HyMeth took another handoff and it hit in the backfield.  But, using his slip modifier talents, HyMeth shakes two tacklers and cuts back towards the line of scrimmage.

Dragging tacklers forward, HyMeth keeps churning forward as more tacklers climb aboard.  After dragging 5 tacklers for 6 yards, a DB flies in from the deep secondary and delivers a thunderous hit placing his helmet on the ball and knocking it loose.


Burt’s Bees picks the ball up, but is immediately tackled on the 25 yards line.

Burt’s Bees Goes with Butylphenyl Methylpropional

Following the fumble recovery, the Burt’s Bees coach taps butylphenyl methylpropional to enter the game.

Mr Poop Candy

“Mr Poop Candy” by Timothy Takemoto (CC BY 2.0), via

Butylphenyl methylpropional (or Lilial), or since his name is quite a mouthful, one of his teammates jokingly called him the Big BM.

The Big BM wasn’t happy with that nickname, but it stuck.

The Big BM comes into the game as one of the larger than life characters.

Even though The Big BM is a little pale yellow in the face, his strong floral personality allows him to leave the room with a pleasant scent (even if his nickname makes you think otherwise).

To start the drive the Big BM sticks his nose up the middle and with strong force blows the line backwards for 2 yards.

On 2nd down the Big BM wafts over to the right side of the line and drifts out in the flat.  The BB QB looks downfield at first, but then runs out of time and fires the ball to the Big BM.

The Big BM is able to strong arm the defense for a 6 yard gain.

On 3rd down and short, lines up wide left and runs an out route.  As the ball hits the Big BMs in the hands, he feels a little itchy in the hands (there are rumors that the Big BM Butylphenyl methylpropional sometimes can cause irritation and allergic reactions) and lays a turd (drops the ball).

As the 3rd quarter expires, the Big BM booms the pigskin 69 yards.  The O’Keeffe return man is able to eventually sniff out the punt and corrals it just in time to turn up field for a 6 yard return to the 11 yard line.

O’Keeffe Tries to Seal the Deal with Paraffin

After the booming Burt’s Bees punt pinned O’Keeffe at their own 11 yard line, the O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach looks for Paraffin to try and get some of the field position back.

Paraffin brins a lot to the table for the O’Keeffe team.

1937 Led Zepelin Hindenburg (also flammable)

“1937 Led Zepelin Hindenburg” by Ur Cameras (Public Domain Mark 1.0), via

Providing features like translucent waxyness, and giving a whitish color, Paraffin can sometimes get very hot during a game (especially since he’s flammable).

Starting at their own 11 yards line, Paraffin lines up at RB and tries to build up a little wax of his own on a run up the middle. With great blocking, Paraffin was able to seal off defenders and make it down field for 8 yards.

Hoping to get a quick first down on 2nd and short, Paraffin tries the middle again, but Burt is sitting there waiting and tackles Paraffin for a 2 yard loss.

Only needing 4 yards on 3rd down, Paraffin lines up at the right side. The play was to the left WR on a quick slant. But, the linebacker for Burt’s Bees sniffed out the play. So, the O’Keeffe looked back at Paraffin, who was running a deep sideline pattern. Just as the O’Keeffe QB tossed the ball deep down the sidelines, he was hit with driving blow by one of the Burt’s Bees rushers.

With the hit, the ball sailed over Paraffin’s head and out of bounds to bring up 4th down.

On 4th down, Paraffin gets a deep kick of 52 yards. The Burt’s Bees returner has time to catch the ball and is able to scoot up field and out of bounds for 6 yards, out at the 37 yard line.

Has Burt’s Bees Gone Toco?

Burt’s Bees is winning, but their coach is acting like Rosemary’s Baby on the sideline. Heads are spinning with his choice of Tocopherolrosmarinus officinalis leaf extract.

But, the BB coach is insistent that Toco (his nickname for regular Rosemary leaf extract) has been a stand up natural foaming agent that has allowed Burt’s Bees to avoid signing those synthetic fake foamers to the team.

Yo toco...

“Yo toco…” by Eduardo Robles Pacheco (CC BY 2.0), via

Toco always enters the field smelling great (exhibiting a forest-fresh scent with a dash of flowery herb garden).  The folks at MDIdea note that Toco also has an excellent toning and binding effect on loose, sagging skin.

Toco also is excellent at acting as a detergent, a wetting agent, an emulsifier, a foaming agent, and sometimes dispersants.

But, will he be able to live up to his coaches expectations?

Toco Emulsifies Opponent

To start the drive, Toco is given the rock and looks for an opening up the middle. But, the O’Keeffe defensive coach has called an all out anti-emulsifier blitz and Toco is hit in the backfield and is lucky to get back to the line of scrimmage.

On 2nd down, Toco uses his wetting agent skills to slip outside on a short pass route. Catching the ball on the run, Toco is able to foam his way up field for 5 yards.

On 3rd down and 5, the BB QB lines up in the shotgun to take the snap. Toco lines up wide left at WR and runs a short slant route. As the QB turns and fires the ball, a O’Keeffe defensive lineman jumps up and blocks any chance at Toco getting a clean look at the ball. The ball falls harmlessly to the ground to create a 4th down.

On 4th down, the BB coach lets Toco kick the punt. Toco booms the kick high and towards the sidelines. The referee starts at the goal line and runs up the sidelines, stopping at the 16 yard line where O’Keeffe will take over.

O’Keeffe Needs a Miracle from Glycerin

With 4:39 left on the clock and down eight points, the O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach is looking for a long controlled drive that results in a touchdown, followed by a two point conversion.

A tall order for the O’Keeffe Glycerin, but he has the talents to come out smelling like a rose (one of his talents). Other talents include skin softening, moisturizing, treatment of dry, scaly, itchy or rough skin.

To start the drive, Glycerin lines up at RB, and takes the handoff and smoothly slides off left tackle for 9 yards.

The O’Keeffe QB drops back to pass, and instead of looking for Glycerin, he tries the other WR for an incomplete pass.

Glycerin takes the 3rd and 1 handoff and beats the “Deadskin” defensive lineman for 3 yards and a first down.

O’Keeffe then conditions the defense with Glycerin runs of 8, -1, and 7 yards. Burt’s Bees spends a timeout just before the two minute warning to regoorp.

Glycerin Gets Coached at Two Minute Warning

Following the two minute warning, Glycerin runs a route to the short left side of the field, but Glycerin can’t protect the pigskin from the defender and it falls to the ground incomplete.

On 2nd down, Glycerin drops back to pass, but the pass rush closes in on Glycerin and he’s dropped for a five yard loss.

On third and long, the O’Keeffe QB lines up in the shotgun, and scrambles to buy time. Glycerin runs a crossing route to soften the middle of the field, and the O’Keeffe QB rifles a bullet pass that Glycerin is able to corral with his soft hands for a 21 yard gainer.

Time Running Out!!

With the clock running Glycerin receives a swing pass and tries to get out of bounds. But, the defense is able to prevent Glycerin from making it, and O’Keeffe has to take their 2nd timeout. The play went for 5 yards.

With a little over a minute left, the O’Keeffe QB lines up in the shotgun again, and Glycerin stays in to protect the skin of his QB. But, the pass is thrown deep and sails out of bounds.

34th IS overcomes rocky start to top 327th Signal Co

“34th IS overcomes rocky start to top 327th Signal Co” by Fort George G. Meade Public Affairs Office (CC BY 2.0), via

On 3rd down and short, Glycerin lines up in the slot and runs a down and out, for what looks like a first down attempt. The CB bites on the out, and Glycerin turns up the sidelines. The O’Keeffe zips the ball inbetween the CB and the safety, and Glycerin keeps his balance as the Glycerin slips the tackle from the safety. Glycerin finds little viscosity (thin resistence) as he waltzes into the end zone for a 37 yard TOUCHDOWN!

O’Keeffe still being down by two, call an emmolient play. Glycerin lines up with two other WRs to the right. All three WRs mix places right after the snap, and they then all cut towards the middle of the field.

Glycerin stops on a dime and the other two WRs clear out the CBs who are flicked away like dead skin. The O’Keeffe QB zips the pass into the middle of the crowd, and Glycerin has to dive to make the catch to tie the game!

Burt’s Bees Tries to Slip in a Quick Score

As the kickoff sails into the end zone, the Burt’s Bees Foot Crème coach looks down his bench to see who migth be the best to slip in a quick score before the end of the game.


“canola-oil” by Adam Engelhart (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

When his eyes set on Canola Oil, the coach stopped. Canola Oil is great at a lot of things (has antioxident properties, great skin conditioner). But, coach is looking for Canola Oil to slip down field fast and grab a score.

On 1st down, Canola Oil lines up in the slot and runs a quick out. The WRs push the CB up field. So, the play goes for an easy 8 yards. But, Canola Oil is unable to get out of bounds, so the clock keeps running.

Hurrying up to the line of scrimmage Canola Oil runs the same route and gets another 7 yards. But, is again tackled before getting out of bounds. Burt’s Bees calls its last timeout with 24 seconds on the clock.

On first down at their own 15 Canola Oil lines up in the backfield to block. As the blitz comes, the BB QB dumps the pass off to Canola Oil. Canola Oil streaks for the sidelines and is slippery enough to squirt out of 2 tackles to get out of bounds with 18 seconds on the clock.

Canola Oil Stops the Clock

Even thought the clock is stopped, Burt’s Bees goes no huddle to try and remove the oxygen from the defenses lungs with one last big play.

From the shotgun Canola Oil takes the snap and scrambles around trying to buy time for his WRs to get down field. He slips three tackles. But, each time he gets out of one, another is there ready to grab on.

Canola Oil is sacked for a 7 yard loss.

On 3rd down, the Burt’s Bees coach has Canola Oil take a knee and regulation time ends.

There is going to be OVERTIME!

The OT Coin Toss

With O’Keeffe as the home team, they have the honor of making the call for Head or Tails.

The O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach sends out O’Keeffe Water to make the call, and Water gurgles out Tails.

The ref tosses the coin and it lands, SPLAT, at Water’s feet…

Tails it is!!

Water quickly says they want the ball, and Burt’s Bees Glycerin tried to drop a blade of grass to test the wind, but the grass sticks to his fingers.  So, he just picks the East end zone to defend.

O’Keeffe to Receive

Burt’s Bees lines up for the kick and to almost everyone’s surprise, it’s an onside kick!

Lucky for O’Keeffe, Paraffin explodes to the ball and everyone else runs for cover leaving the recovery an easy one for Paraffin.

This gives O’Keeffe incredible position at the Burt’s Bees 49 yard line.

The O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream coach is low on players and sends in Ceteth-10 to try to win the game (or at least get a FG) using his Surfactant talents.


“wildcat!” by badheartbull (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

On 1st down, Ceteth-10 lines up in the wildcat and without working with his teammates is only able to gain 2 yards.

On 2nd down Ceteth-10 works with Allantoin on a swirl play.  Ceteth-10 dials in on Allantoin and delivers the pass on time.  Allantoin side steps a defender and slides up field for a big 22 yard gain.

Allantoin leaves the game and Ceteth-10 is again working alone.  Ceteth-10 tries his best on runs of 4 and 2 yards.  But, just isn’t able to mix it up enough and leave a 3rd down and 4.

Ceteth-10 drop back to pass on 3rd down and starts to panic when he can’t find anyone to work with on the play.  Ceteth-10 quickly throws the ball out of bounds to keep from getting a sack.

On 4th down, Ceteth-10 lines up a 37 yard FG attempt.  The snap is to Allantoin who makes it back into the game with a limp.  But, the Allantoin hold is true, and Ceteth-10 works well with Allantoin and kicks the ball up and straight for a 37 yard FG!

Burt’s Bees Foams at the Mouth for Quillaja Saponaria

Burt’s Bees is needing at least a FG to keep this game alive. With that in mind, the BB coach looks to see who he still has left to play in this game.

Quillaja saponaria, pod and seeds

“Quillaja saponaria, pod and seeds” by Dick Culbert (CC BY 2.0), via

The Burt’s Bees coach decides to go with Quillaja Saponaria to save the game. Quillaja Saponaria can do a lot of things. He has skin conditioning talents, foaming talents, and moisturizing talents. But, Quillaja Saponaria is best known for frangrance.

With the game on the line, the announcers question this decision to go with something to frail and so dependent on the olfactory.

After the kickoff was downed in the end zone, Quillaja Saponaria trots onto the field with an air of confidence.

Starting at the 20 yard line, Quillaja Saponaria (or better known to fans as Q-Sap), barks out the cadence for the first play.

Quillaja Ready to Roll!

On the first play, the BB QB lines up in the shotgun. At the snap, Q-Sap stays in to block in an emulsifying move. But, as the play starts to break down, Q-Sap pulls out the moisurizing talents and slips out of the backfield.

The BB QB finds him as he’s about to be sacked. Q-Sap catches the ball 8 yards behind the line of scrimmage and starts up field. It takes four defensive players to get a grip on Q-Sap before they can take him down after a 19 yard gain.

Using the no huddle, the BB QB delivers a short pass to Q-Sap in the flat. Q-Sap is able to wriggle through tacklers and pick up another 8 yards.

Q-Sap takes a handoff on the next play and wafts his way into the line of scrimmage. The defense is on the scent, and hits Q-Sap at the line of scrimmage. Q-Sap is able to penetrate the defensive line for a short 2 yard gain.

After the first down, Q-Sap is still working the moisurizer angle and takes the handoff and squirts up the middle through a small gap. O’Keeffe is lucky enough to have the Safety get a finger tip on Q-Sap’s heel and is able to trip Q-Sap up after a gainer of 5 yards.

Q-Sap Gathers the Team with No Huddle

With more no huddle, the BB QB lines up in the shotgun and takes the snap. Q-Sap lines up in the slot and basically turns around as a relief valve option. After some scrambling, the BB QB dumps the ball to Q-Sap and he is taken down almost immediately, but is able to fall forward for 2 yards.

On 3rd down and 3, the BB QB is again running for their life as BB WRs are unable to get open. This time Q-Sap is also covered, so the BB QB ends up trying to make some yards scrambling. But, the defense is tight, and the BB QB only gains 2 yards.

This brings up 4th down and 1 yard. The BB coach starts to bring out the kicking team. But, the BB kicker gives the BB coach a “no” head shake. So, the BB coach has to go for it on 4th down and 1 yard.

Q-Sap lathers up with extra moisturizer to try and slip through the middle again. But this time, O’Keeffe has stacked the deck and sealed all crevices. Q-Sap bounces off the line and bounces off another time. Q-Sap just can’t find a hole to slither through, and is brought down for a 1 yard loss.

This turns the ball over to O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream and ends the game.

FINAL SCORE: O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream vs Burt’s Bees Foot Crème (38-35)

Some fans of O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream talk about why they think O’Keeffe was able to win this game.

The final score had O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream with the win over Burt’s Bees Coconut Foot Crème in overtime.

This was a high score (good ingredients) game between two titans of the feet.

We hope you enjoyed the game and will visit the winner to partake in their victory.

Box Score

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  4 Responses to “O’Keeffe Healthy Feet Cream vs Burt’s Bees Foot Crème”

  1. O’Keefe will win this match easily. This product works great for me! So, I’m rooting for them to win.

  2. Jerry,

    Thank you for following the game. Good luck with O’Keeffe. They do have an awesome team. But, watch out for Burt’s Bees. They should not be underestimated.

    Enjoy the game!

  3. I was very pleased to search out this internet-site.I needed to thanks on your time for this wonderful learn!! I positively enjoying each little bit of it and I’ve you bookmarked to check out new stuff you weblog post.

  4. Thank you Timothy for your kind words!


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