Aug 272015

Best Eye Treatments for Wrinkles Winner

FINAL: Perfective Ceuticals 42, Shiseido Benefiance 23

The Crows Feet Division kicks off the season matching up these to giants in eye wrinkle care for the title of Best Eye Treatments for Wrinkles.

Perfective Ceuticals Eye Therapy Cream with Growth Factor

[break]Shiseido Benefiance Anti Wrinkle Eye Cream









Do You Want the WINNER of this Game?


Perfective Ceuticals brings several sophisticated players to the game.  Each with special talents that will light up the scoreboard.

The top Perfective Ceuticals player is Epidermal Growth Factor.  This player brings a youthful look to this team by rejuvenating cells (other players on the team).  This leadership makes PC a powerful opponent, and the favorite to win the title of Best Eye Treatments for Wrinkles.

Shiseido Benefiance brings a far eastern flavor of eye care to the game that originates with Japanese influences.  This team was founded in 1972 and is the fourth largest cosmetic company in the world.

The top players on the Shiseido Benefiance team include a Japanese flavor of water that does an amazing job at keeping the skin hydrated.

Shiseido is the first team to synthesize Hyaluronic Acid.  Consequently, this unique talent can’t be found on any other team in any other form.  Specifically, Shiseido has this player locked up in a long term contract (they own the patent).


Here are the players (ingredients) for each team (product).

Perfective Ceuticals Eye Therapy Cream with Growth Factor

Perfective Ceuticals Eye Therapy Cream with Growth Factor (Favorite to win Best Eye Treatments for Wrinkles title)

[wpi_designer_button text='I WANT THIS TEAM' link='/internal/Anti-agingEyeCream-PerfectiveCeuticalsAnti-imperfectionEyeTherapyCreamwithGrowthFactor' style_id='276' icon='digg' target='_blank']

This list of talent is formidable.
  • *Water (Aqua)
  • *Butylene Glycol
  • *Glycerin
  • *Ginseng Extract
  • *Polyquaternium-51
  • *Hyaluronic Acid/Sodium Hyaluronate
  • Raffinose
  • *Epidermal Growth Factor (EGF)/Oligopeptide-1
  • Hydroxyproline
  • Argireline (Acetyl Hexapeptide)
  • Vitamin E Acetate
  • Retinol
  • Benzyl Alcohol
  • Stearyl Alcohol
  • Cholesteryl Hydroxystearat
  • Pentaerythrityl Tetraoctanoate
  • Olive Squalane
  • Propylene Glycol Stearate
  • Dimethicone
  • Matrixyl (Palmitoyl Pentapeptide-4)
  • *Paeonia Albiflora Root Extract
  • Ethylparaben

With all of this talent, Perfective Ceuticals brings a lot to the table.

Shiseido Benefiance Concentrated Anti Wrinkle Eye Cream

Shiseido Benefiance Anti Wrinkle Eye Cream

[wpi_designer_button text='THIS IS MY TEAM' link='/internal/ShiseidoBenefianceConcentratedAntiWrinkleEyeCream' style_id='276' icon='digg' target='_blank']

Shiseido’s list of talent.
  • Water (Shiseido heritage)
  • *Hydrogenated C6-14 Olefin Polymers
  • *Mineral Oil
  • Glycerin
  • *Petrolatum
  • *Butylene Glycol
  • *Paraffin
  • Polyglyceryl-2 Diisostearate
  • Glyceryl Oleate
  • *Squalane
  • Sodium Glutamate
  • Sodium PCA
  • *Dipropylene Glycol
  • Beeswax
  • Polyethylene
  • Phytostearyl/Octyldodecyl Lauroyl Glutamate
  • Tocopheryl Acetate
  • Potassium Ascorbyl Tocopheryl Phosphate
  • Magnesium Ascorbyl Phosphate
  • Arginine HCI
  • Glucosyl Hesperidin
  • Ginseng Extract
  • Sodium Acetylated Hyaluronate
  • Hydroxyproline
  • Chlorella Vulgaris Extract
  • Microcrystalline Wax
  • Trisodium EDTA
  • Tocopherol
  • Alcohol
  • BHT
  • Methylparaben
  • Fragrance
  • Iron Oxides

This list includes a lot of foreign talent.  This might give American coaches trouble if they haven’t done their homework on how to defend these talented players.

Drive By Drive Game Details

Perfective Ceuticals Opens with Its Strength

DSC_0554 (This way to the Beach; PUBLIC INDECENCY PROHIBITED)

“DSC_0554” by dirvish (CC BY 2.0), via

The Perfective Ceuticals coach isn’t pulling any punches.   He really wants the trophy for Best Eye Treatments for Wrinkles.

The coach opens with its strength.  And, its strength is Epidermal Growth Factor.

EGF’s best talent is regeneration (of cells).   EGF not only visits the beach, he thrives on the beach by creating more and more skin cells.

EGF uses this talent on the first five plays with gains of 7, 4, 8, 10, and 6.  Each time the Shiseido defense thought it had EGF stopped in its tracks, it grew new determination and pushed forward for additional epidermal patches of turf.

EGF relying on its internal amino acids (still legal in the Lotion Challenge league), burst down the right side for a 25 cell gainer.

Perfective Ceuticals made the right calls again and again once inside the Red Zone.  PC culminated the drive with a broad sweep over the right eye, overwhelming deep rows of wrinkle defenders.  But, the wrinkles didn’t have a chance as Epidermal Growth Factor blasted into the end zone for a 5 yard run for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (proliferation of cells) was GOOD.

Shiseido Starts with a Surprise


“Surprise!” by Michelle Tribe (CC BY 2.0), via

Some might have expected Shiseido to start this player at the beginning of the game, since it’s one of the top two players on this team (top two ingredients in this product).  However, it was a surprise to many that Shiseido didn’t begin the game with it’s top talent.

Perhaps the Shiseido coach is trying to keep it’s opponents defense off balance when it begins the game with Hydrogenated C6-14 Olefin Polymers.

Hydrogenated C6-14 Olefin Polymers, known as Hydropoly to his team, brings several talents to Shiseido.

On the first play from scrimmage, Hydropoly used it’s emollient talent of making skin softer and more pliable to work it’s way down the field for plays of 6, 3, 9 and 14 yards.

Hydropoly forced reduced evaporation and used the moisture left on his body to slip through the line for a big 20 yard gain.

Once in the red zone, Hydropoly made the Shiseido coach proud by controlling the viscosity of the line and using the thinness to slip tackles down to the 1 yard line.

Needing only one yard Hydropoly dove over the top avoiding the defenses attempts at drying out the drive.  Hydropoly over the top for a one yard TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point was NO GOOD (Hydropoly was all used up).

Perfective Responds with Butylene Glycol

Perfective Ceuticals looks down its roster and taps its version of Butylene Glycol (his brother is on the Shiseido team) to see what it can do.

Shiseido’s coach not being familiar with Butylene Glycol decides to be agressive and blitzes Butylene Gycol on the first play with an article lambasting Butylene Glycol for trying to add volume to the Perfective offense without adding any substance.

The blitz sacks Butylene Glycol for a 8 yard loss whipping the Perfective offense into a long 2nd down.

Butylene Glycol tries a screen pass attempting to trick the defense while keeping an eye on the 1st down marker.  But, Shiseido is again ready for BG’s trickery and tackles BG for a short gain which puts Perfective into a 3rd and long situation.

Butylene Glycol then attempts a slant pass, but Shiseido has seen this play before and is ready with eye irritant defense (the irritant caused by BG) to break up the pass.

Perfective not able to preserve the drive using BG, punts the ball back to Shisheido who catches the ball on its own 26 yard line with a fair catch.

Shiseido Slips in Mineral Oil

The Shiseido coach taps Mineral Oil to lead the next drive.

Mineral Oil brings several talents to the game.  For the first drive Mineral Oil relies on being odorless and tasteless.

On the first play, Mineral Oil goes with the silent count to offset the crowd.  Trying to avoid all senses, Mineral Oil runs a trap block run starting right and then running left in front of the pulling guard.

The defense tries to sniff out the play, but Mineral Oil runs the play to perfection and the result is a 13 yard gain.

Mineral Oil then runs a noncomedogenic (doesn’t clog pores) play that opens up the secondary.  Bringing in five receivers, the play floods the secondary and creates open spaces all over the place.  The quarterback is able to easily find Mineral Oil in a soft spot in the defense for a 23 yard completion.

Getting Back to the Basics

Using its baby oil characteristics, Mineral Oil tries to eek out a few runs to run clock (to rest the Shiseido defense) and to try and keep the offense balanced, and the defense honest.  On three baby runs in a row, Mineral Oil is able to slide right for 3 yards, slip past a defender for a 6 yard sweep run, and scrub out a 4 yard run up the middle through the porous Perfective Ceuticals run defense.

Mineral Oil then digs deep in the playbook for a play that uses its non-allergic talent.  After running the ball effectively on three straight plays, Shiseido runs a play action fake to the running back, and Mineral Oil runs a double move from the slot receiver position.

After a down and out, Mineral Oil isn’t able to shake the CB, so the quarterback pump fakes the pass.

Mineral Oil then cuts up field and runs past the safety that bit on the pump fake.  Mineral Oil showing it is not allergic to the football, easily catches the 31 yard pass for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (acne protection) is GOOD!

Perfective Ceuticals Responds with Ginseng Extract

The Perfective Ceuticals coach wants to push this team towards a youth movement.  His first step is to give Ginseng Extract more playing time.

Ginseng Extract, better known to its teammates as GinX, bring a youthful look to Perfective.

To start this drive off, GinX runs a circle route than gives the Shisheido DBs circles under their eyes as they try to keep up.  At the same time, GinX diminishes the dark circles of this Perfective offense by out leaping the defensive DBs for a spectacular 35 yard grap.

GinX follows that up with a screen pass that it catches in the flat.  He uses its blockers to shield the defense and finds a wrinkle in the defense to exploit.  GinX destroys that wrinkle for 23 yards.

On the next play GinX eliminates puffiness by blasting the defense with it’s anti-aging goodness.  The play is a (clean) sweep around the right end for a puffy 14 yard gainer.

Using only half a squirt of energy, GinX continues to rejuvinate with another leaping grab in the corner of the end zone for a 16 yard catch.  GinX walks the fine lines of the end zone corner for a tight TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (medicinal use for over two thousand years) is GOOD!

Shiseido Doubles Down with the Brother

Earlier in the game, Perfective played their version of Butylene Glycol.  Shiseido has the Perfective Butylene Glycol’s brother and decides to send him in for the next drive.

The Butylene Glycol brothers are practically identical twins even though they play on different teams (and one from the Far East).

The Shiseido version took a incentive laden contract to play for Shiseido and wants to live up to the contract.  Shiseido understand Butylene Glycol’s limitations better and doesn’t use as much of his talents in their product.

On the first play of the drive, Butylene Glycol forges a clear path (he’s colorless) over right tackle for 15 yards.

On the next play Butylene Glycol spreads itself over the defensive line and dissolves the lineman leaving the linebackers in a terrible position to try and bring down Butylene Glycol as it blazes through the secondary.  Another big gainer of 17 yards.

Reducing viscosity, Shiseido’s Butylene Glycol thins the defense with some great blocking for runs of 3, 4, and 5 yards and anther first down.

With the strategy of less is more, Shiseido runs Butylene Glycol to the right flat for a screen pass.  The defense rushes over reading the play, but Shiseido instead fakes the screen pass to the right and finds Water on the left (Water is a star player on Shiseido).

Water surges left and right weaving its way downstream through the defense.  Water leaks past the last defender with a strong blast of a stiff arm and flows into the open field.  20, 10, 5 TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (Butylene Glycol is safer in smaller quantities) is GOOD!

Perfective Ceuticals Seeps Back with Polyquaternium-51

Stunned that the Perfective Ceuticals defense couldn’t stop Shiseido’s Butylene Glycol, he feels the Best Eye Treaments for Wrinkles trophy slipping away.  The PC coach gathers himself and responds with Polyquaternium-51.

As a player, Polyquaternium-51 brings different talents than you might expect.  One of big talents is the ability to form a film on the skin surface as a barrier against loss of moisture.

On a skin beautifying team, this is a unique talent that is difficult to match.

On the first play of the drive, the defense tries to blitz the play up the middle by sending a linebacker and a safety.  But, Polyquaternium-51 sniffs out the blitz and heads towards the sidelines sealing of defenders behind him.

The play breaks Polyquaternium-51 into the Shiseido secondary with blockers and if not for a DB that splits two blockers, Polyquaternium-51 might have taken the ball to the house.

Even with the great defensive play, that first play went for 35 yards.

On the next play, Polyquaternium-51 circles his offensive lineman around him keeping out all defensive moisture and stands tall for a 15 yard completion on a slant route.

Keeping the Defense on its Heels

Going with the hurry up to keep the defense on its heels, the Perfective Ceuticals runs another quick play from the shot gun.  Unfortunately, the Shiseido defensive lineman find an impurity in the offensive line and sack Polyquaternium-51 for an 8 yard loss.

The PC coach sends in a trick play for Polyquaternium-51 to run.  On the play, Polyquaternium-51 pitches the ball to the RB on a sweep to the right.  The RB sprints to the sidelines looking for a place to run.  At the last second, the RB turns and passes the ball back to Polyquaternium-51.

Polyquaternium-51 is WIDE OPEN as no defenders stayed at home to cover the QB.

On this 3rd and 18, Polyquaternium-51 catches the ball and runs past the first down for an 18 yard scamper.

Going hurry up again, the PC coach signals in a screen pass.  Having just run all over the field to catch the RB, and then Polyquaternium-51 on the previous play, the defense was too gassed to close in on the screen pass.

Even thought he PC lineman didn’t get any good blocks, after Polyquaternium-51 dumped the ball off on the screen, the PC RB weaved in and out of defenders on a 26 yard gallop for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (absorbs moisture from the air) is GOOD!

Shiseado Safely Includes Butylene Glycol

The Shiseado coach sends in the controversial player Butylene Glycol.

Butylene Glycol is best known as a solvent that dilutes its teammates providing a slimmer and less viscous team.

After a kickoff return of 50 yards to the Perfective Ceuticals 41 yard line, Shiseado sends out Butylene Glycol to run the offense.

Butylene Glycol starts the first series attempting to thin out the defense using Water.  These first two plays result in runs of 4 and 8 yards as Butylene Glycol seeps through the defense.

Butylene Glycol then tries to run off tackle and is plugged for no gain.  Shiseado is penalized 15 yards for Unnecessary Roughness by irritating the skin, eyes, and nasal passages.

On 2nd and 25, Shiseado’s QB drops back and passes short to the left side to Butylene Glycol who then flows down the sideline for 23 yards before being pushed out of bounds.

On 3rd and 2, Shiseado’s QB receives the snap in the shotgun, and throws a quick out to Butylene Glycol, but the ball sails over Butylene Glycol’s head.

Butylene Glycol lines up for a 39 yard FG.  The kick is up and fades to the left, hitting the uprights and falling inside the uprights.  The 39 yard FG is GOOD!

Perfective Ceuticals Applies Paeonia Albiflora Root Extract

The PC coach feels pretty good about where his team is and doesn’t want to make any more mistakes to give Shiseado another chance to score.

So, after a kickoff and a poor return to the 13 yard line, the PC coach gets very conservative with the play calling.

PC uses Paeonia Albiflora Root Extract as a battering ram and runs the ball 3 times for 3, 5, and 3 yard for a first down to bring the clock down to the 2 minute warning.

With two more runs that net 4, 2, and 5 yards, the clock winds down under a minute.

Still deep in their own territory, the PC coach sticks to his guns with a continued diet of runs.  With Paeonia Albiflora Root Extract making 1st downs, the PC coach is happy the ball is moving.

But, still deep in their own territory, the PC coach takes a knee twice and runs the clock out on the half.

HALFTIME Score has Shiseido with a Narrow Lead

Shiseido takes the lead into the locker room feeling very confident with the teams play in the 1st half.  They have their own desires for the Best Eye Treatments for Wrinkles trophy.

Shiseido Open the 2nd Half with the Ball

Perfective Ceutical’s kicker pumps the ball three yards into end zone.  The Shiseido returner doesn’t even think about taking a knee and catches the ball running.

The Perfective Ceutical’s coverage team is on the Shiseido receiver like white on rice by the time he hits the 10 yard line.  But, the Shiseido returner makes some moves and using a questionable block at the 20 yard line, splits the defenders and breaks into the open briefly before he’s knocked to the ground.

The officials didn’t take kindly to the questionable block and the flag put the Shiseido offense in a hole starting out at their own 10 yard line.

The Shiseido coach goes with the waxy Paraffin to open the second half.  Paraffin is often used in cosmetics and provides:

  • Skin softening
  • Smoothing of the skin
  • Transparency
  • No Odor
  • No Color
  • Waterproof

It’s Not All Rainbows and Sunshine

But, Paraffin has also been receiving bad press for being associated with the petroleum business.  Actually Paraffin owes its existence from Big Oil.

Paraffin lines up in the slot on the opening play of the 2nd half, and runs a slant pass.  But, the QB is off target and Paraffin’s oily hands can’t handle the off target pass.

On 2nd down, Paraffin lines up at RB and take a hand off and the linebackers can’t sniff out Paraffin behind the line before he cuts outside for a 7 yard gain.

Paraffin as WR then receives an out pass and with the help of blockers scampers 14 yards before being pushed out of bounds.

On a pitch play on 1st down, Paraffin tries to get around the Perfective Ceutical defensive end.  But, the PC DE is able to clip Paraffin before he can make the corner and he loses his balance for a five yard loss.

On 2nd and long, Paraffin receives a screen pass and with a smooth move avoids tacklers for 17 yards.  But, a holding penalty for suspected carcinogenic holding puts Shiseido into a 2nd and 26 yards.

With Paraffin lined up at WR, the Shiseido QB lines up in the shotgun and at the snap, Paraffin runs a crossing route.  The QB is blind sides as the pass leaves his hand and doesn’t make it to Paraffin.

On third down and a mile, Paraffin lines up and WR and runs a slant route.  But, the PC defensive line puts its hands in the air and slaps the ball down.

On fourth down, Paraffin punts 43 yard to the PC 41 and the PC punt returner quickly cuts up field for a 12 yard return.

Perfective Ceuticals Inserts Its Star Glycerin

After taking the kickoff 8 yards deep in the end zone, the PC returner makes a mistake an brings the ball out of the end zone.

By the time he reaches the 5 yard line, the PC returner realizes he’s made a mistake. Trying to make the best of it, he cuts back towards the middle of the field.  However, PC gets bottled up and tackled at the 13 yard line.

Special Teams Gaff

The Perfective Ceuticals coach is mad at his return man. But, feels good about his selection of Glycerin to lead this drive.

Glycerin is a multi-talented player that works well with teammates. On this drive, the PC coach gives him the “hi ya’ll” twins Hyaluronic Acid and Sodium Hyaluronate.

On the first play from scrimmage, Glycerin lines up in a standard run formation.  He takes the handoff around right end for a slashing 9 yard gain.

With a short 2nd and 1, the Hyal (“hi ya’ll”) twins line up with one on each side at WR. Hyaluronic Acid, also known as Ha, splits right. Sodium Hyaluronate, who also goes by “Shhhh”, lines up wide left. At the snap, Glycerin at QB looks left and then turns quickly to the right for an out pass to Ha for 4 yards and a first down.

Glycerin then takes the first down snap and drops back. This time he fakes to Ha on the right out, and looks off the defensive safety before starting to turn back to Shhhh. Before Glycerin can even look left, he has to spin out of a defensive grip that scratches Glycerin’s skin damaging it.

But, Glycerin is unphased by the pressure and after pulling away from the Shesheido defensive lineman, Glycerin spots Shhhh and heaves the ball high before being crushed by the defense. The ball sails up and Shhhh leaps high over the DBs and rips the ball away before falling to the ground for a 22 yard completion.

Regenerizing Itself!!

Healing his damages skin from the last play, Glycerin hands the ball off to Ha on an end around. Ha is able to make the corner and sprints towards the sidelines for 7 yards before running out of real estate.

On 2nd down and 3 at the Shiseado 45 yard line, Glycerin lines up in the wildcat and takes the ball himself. The defense is ready this time and walls Glycerin off at the line of scrimmage for no gain.

Important Play on 3rd Down

It’s 3rd down and short, the PC coach sends in the emmolient play. For this play, Shhhh and Ha line up wide right. On the snap Ha shields the DBs and Shhhh steps backwards to receive the pass. Glycerin having lined up under center turns and quickly throws the out pass. Since Shhhh was already off the line of scrimmage, the pass is a little backwards.

After throwing the pass, Glycerin turns and pretends to block the left defensive end. Glycerin after sliding off the dry scaley DE, heads up field towards the left sideline barrier (maintaining the barrier).

West Point Men's Goat/Engineer Game 2012

“West Point Men’s Goat/Engineer Game 2012” by West Point – The U.S. Military Academy (CC BY 2.0), via

Shhhh after receiving the pass, fakes right, fakes left, and then starts to run back towards the left side around the defenders. This gives Glycerin enough time to form an oily layer away from the Shiseido DBs. Having been a QB in high school, Shhhh zips the pass to Glycerin and Glycerin catches the ball at the 32 yards marker on the sidelines.

Trapping the DBs inside the numbers, Glycerin forms a barrier down the sidelines. Glycerin at the 15, 10, 5, Glycerin leaps at the 3 and the DB try to force him out of bounds, but the Glycerin line of protection is strong as Glycerin reaches the ball across the end zone line before cross the end zone line in the air. TOUCHDOWN!! The extra point (healing skin burns) is GOOD!

Petrolatum Sent in to Protect the Shiseido Lead

After the score that brought Perfective Ceuticals within one score, the Shiseido coach thinks carefully about his next move as he watches the kickoff soar out of the end zone for a touchback.

The Shiseido coach makes his decision, and the decision is Petrolatum. Petrolatum is know as a skin protectant. So, the Shiseido coach is hoping Petrolatum can protect this lead.

Starting at the 20 yard line, Petrolatum lines up at RB and gets the handoff on the 1st play. Before Petrolatum can even get the handoff, the Perfective Ceuticals defense is swarming Petrolatum in the back field. Petrolatum is barely able to hang on to the ball as he absorbs the defenses UV hits. Petrolatum is tackled for a 4 yard loss.

From the shotgun on 2nd down, the Shiseido QB takes the snap. Petrolatum breaks into a route down the middle seam. The QB delivers ball low. And, Petrolatum bends down to grasp the pass, but the ball slips through his overly moisurized hands.

This brings up 3rd down and a country mile (14 yards). Petrolatum lines up at WR and gets a good matchup on a LB. But, the play is for a short pass. At the snap Petrolatum takes a short step forward and moves inside a blocking WR toward the QB and receives the pass. The defense is used to Petrolatum’s skin conditioning abilities and corrals the slithery RB for an only 5 yard gain.

Big Defensive Stop?

The PC defense is ready to leave the field, when they see one of their fellow soldiers getting up off the QB with a yellow flag on his back. Turns out he blasted the Shiseido QB. The referee marks off 15 yards and Shiseido gets an automatic first down.

On 1st down Petrolatum takes a handoff up the middle and mixes things up using his emollient talents, grinding out 2 tough yards.

Moving over to the slot, Petrolatum goes out for a pass to the short left flat. The Shiseido QB delivers the pass with zip on time and Petrolatum scoots up the side lines before being pushed out of bounds after a 12 yard gain.

The Shiseido coach goes back to Petrolatum on 1st down for a run around right end, but no one on the defense is fooled and Petrolatum takes a beating in the backfield for a 2 yard loss.

After a very poor 2nd down pass for an incompletion, Petrolatum lines up in the slot on 3rd down and 12. Petrolatum runs a short route as the safety valve on the play. The Shiseido QB looks down field for a longer pass, but no WRs are open. Before getting clobbered, the QB drops the ball off to Petrolatum, and Petrolatum tries to dance his way to for the first down. After making the first two defenders miss, the PC defense tracks down Petrolatum after an only a 6 yard gain.

On 4th down, Petrolatum pooch kicks the punt to try and pin Perfective Ceuticals deep in their own territory. The ball goes high, and the PC returner calls for a fair catch at their own 11 yard line.

Perfective Tries to Make a Splash with Water

Trapped deep in their own territory, the Perfective Ceuticals coach goes to his strongest player with Water.

Water Drop

“Water Drop” by J. FROG (CC BY 2.0), via

Water is the most used player on the PC team. And, is also the most productive.

Water gives the team a smooth flowing swagger that is low in viscosity, provides emulsion properties when used with the right teammates, and is a natural hydration for those hot sunny days.

Water starts the drive with the hose on full throttle with the running game. The first three plays go for 16, 3 and 1 yards.

On the 3rd down and long play, Water drips back to pass and can’t find any open receivers. As the pass rush closes in, Water seeps through the rushers and breaks into the open field. Weaving between LBs, Water takes the path of least resistence and washes past the LBs. By the time the defense is able to bottle up Water, he’s flowed for 33 yards.

End of the 3rd Quarter

After the 3rd quarter break, Water builds up the pressure on the defense with a run of 3 yards and a screen pass for 14.

The Shiseido defense takes a gamble that the next play is a run, and dams up the line of scrimmage. Their scheme works out and blocks Water for no gain.

But, on the next play, Water is back in full force squirting off right tackle for 6 yards. Shiseido uses one of their timeouts to try and get their defense some rest as Water is really making the defense look like a sieve.

After the timeout, on 3rd down and 4 yards, Water lines up in the slot and on a down and out, the PC QB delivers a strike for a 6 yard gain and a first down.

Not to be contained, Water takes a handoff on the next play and easily flows into the end zone for a TOUCHDOWN! The extra point (full moist skin) is GOOD!

Shiseido Tries to Bite into Lead with Squalane

The Shiseido coach is starting to feel the game getting out of hand as Shiseido takes the field for the first time in the 4th quarter.

The Shiseido coach takes a chance and sends out Squalane.


“shark” by Tom Hodgkinson (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

Squalane comes from shark liver oil and provides Shiseido with emollient, refatting, skin conditioning talents.

But, PETA has been all over the Lotion Challenge officials trying to ban players like this for being anti-animal.

On the first play from scrimmage, Squalane takes the handoff and tries to swim off of left guard. But, the defense puts up nets and holds Squalane to only one yard.

Squalane then lines up in the slot and wiggles around the nets into the flat. The Shiseido QB zips the ball and Squalane bites down hard to make the catch for a 6 yard gain.

On 3rd down and 3 yards, Squalane is flagged for animal rights cruelty for a 10 yard loss. The league is succombing to PETA is seems.

After the mark off, Squalane takes a draw play, on 3rd and long, but is tripped up by the nets for another 1 yard gain.

On 4th down, Squalane slaps the ball with his tail for the punt. The ball goes very high and forces the returner to call for a fair catch after a 44 yard tail slap.

Perfective Goes Back to Its Roots

The Perfective Ceuticals coach looks down his bench to try and pick a player that can put this game out of reach.


“roots” by ☰☵ Michele M. F. (CC BY-SA 2.0), via

The PC coach taps into Paeonia Albiflora Root Extract, or PARE.

PARE is really good at conditioning skin and giving it a brighter look and feel. He can also be good at finding cracks and hitting them hard.

PARE comes into the game ready to pound a tired Shiseido defense and opens the drive with runs that pound the cracks in the defense. The runs go for 4 and 17 yards.

After the PC coach sent in a pass play to mix things up (it went incomplete), PARE took the ball again. The Shiseido cracks were becoming crevices as the runs went for 9, 5, 1, and 6 yards.

This brought up 3rd down and 3 yards and the Shiseido defense looked ready to make an important stop. But, PARE had other ideas as he popped to the outside on a swing pass and hustled past defenders before running out of room. But, not before gaining 10 yards and a 1st down.

Shiseido’s defense looked broken and exhausted. The PC coach took advantage and pounded PARE over left end, and up the middle for 4 and 3 yards.

On 3rd down and goal at the 2 yard line, PARE went in motion and faked an out route. On the cut back, the PC QB zipped the pass to the wide open PARE for a TOUCHDOWN! The extra point (being an excellent antioxident) was GOOD!

Shiseido Seems Desperate with Dipropylene Glycol

With the game getting away from Shiseido, the coach looks down his bench for any beacon of hope. Dipropylene Glycol is known for solving hard issues (a solvent), so coach sends him in.

japanese mask (a great masking agent)

“japanese mask” by harmony.regamey (CC BY 2.0), via

Dipropylene Glycol, or Diprog for short, is also known for his fragrant emissions, his use as a masking agant, and his ability to control viscosity for the team.

After the kickoff was returned to the 20 yard line (running off more time), Diprog took the field in hurry up mode.

With the clock not being able to be stopped, Diprog ran three consecutive plays from the shotgun and delivered crips short passed that went for gains of 9, 6, and 3 yards.

But, the clock was running and this took the game to the 2 minute warning.

2 Minute Warning

On 2nd and 7, Diprog controlled the viscosity of the throw to a RB on a hook route and the play went for another 6 yards.

On 3rd down and 1 yard, needing a first down, Diprog needed a solvent play to solve the 1st down problem. But, this was not Diprog’s day as Diprog couldn’t find an open receiver and ended up taking a 3 yard sack.

On 4th and 4, Diprog lined up in the shotgun and surveyed the field for the best 1st down play he could conceive. As the snap came and the play developed, Diprog stared down the chosen receiver and feeling the secondary closing in, Diprog delivered a bullet to the moving WR. The ball was not right on target and had way too much steam on it and it bounced off the receivers hands and to the gound.

With 1:29 on the clock, Perfective was taking over the ball and would be able to run the clock out to end the game.

Perfective Ceuticals V Formation

Perfective Ceutical’s QB comes in and in “V” formation (Victory formation) takes a knee three times to run out the clock for the victory.  The Perfective Ceutical coach trots to the center of the field where his team is presented with the trophy for Best Eye Treatments for Wrinkles.

Box Score

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