Sep 122015

Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin

Natural Vibrancy Body Lotion vs La Prairie Cellular S&B Facial (FINAL SCORE 27-22)

In this Luxury Lotion Northeast Division match up, two of the more expensive teams rattle their jewelry studded sabers at each other for the title of Best Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin.

First up is Natural Body Lotion for Dry Sensitive Skin – Seaweed Antioxidant & Mineral Rich Hand and Body Lotion.  What a mouthful of a team name.  This team is owned by Natural Vibrancy and their fans call this team NV-NB for Natural Vibrancy’s Natural Body (sometimes Envy for short).

Natural Vibrancy won this game!  However, due to financial shortcomings, they have had fold their organization and shutter their doors.  Their body lotion doesn’t seem to be available for purchase anymore.  Even though it was a quality product and won this battle with La Prairie going head to head.

Do You Want the Best Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin??

Yes - Get It Now!

This team has spent less than any other team in this Division.  But, don’t let that fool you.  They’ve done some smart shopping and have compiled a talented team that can compete with anyone in the Lotion Challenge league.

The road team in this game is La Prairie Cellular Softening and Balancing Lotion Facial Lotion.  La Prairie Cellular S&B Facial has spent a fortune putting together this talented team.  Can their coaching get the most out of that talent?  If they can, this team will be tough to beat.

The Players

Here are the players (ingredients) for each team (product).

Natural Vibrancy’s Natural Body

Natural Vibrancy’s Natural Body’s talented lineup:

  • *Water (Natural Vibrancy style)
  • *Sunflower seed oil
  • *Glycerin
  • *Apricot kernel oil
  • *Cetearyl Olivate
  • *Cocoa seed butter
  • *Sorbitan Olivate
  • Sodium Acrylates Copolymer
  • Babassu Palm kernel oil
  • Hydroxypropyl Starch Phosphate
  • Xanthan gum
  • Lecithin
  • Algae extract
  • Palm seed butter
  • Camellia sinensis
  • Green tea leaf extract
  • Butyrospermum parkii (Shea)
  • Saccharide Isomerate
  • Ascorbyl Palmitate
  • Hyaluronic Acid
  • Phenoxyethanol
  • Ethylhexylglycerin

A sophisticated list of deep talent.

La Prairie Cellular S&B Facial

La Prairie Cellular S&B Facial’s talented lineup:

  • *Water
  • *Dipropylene Glycol
  • *Glycerin
  • *Butylene Glycol
  • *PEG-8 Dimethicone
  • *Polysorbate 80
  • *PEG-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil
  • *Propylene Glycol
  • Trideceth-9
  • Glycoproteins, Panax Ginseng Root Extract
  • Equisetum Arvense (Horsetail) Extract
  • Sodium Hyaluronate
  • Hamamelis Virginiana (Witch Hazel) Extract
  • Chlorella Vulgaris Extract
  • Hydrolyzed Algae
  • *Maris Aqua (Sea Water)
  • Crithmum Maritimum Extract
  • Ascophyllum Nodosum (Algae) Extract
  • Spirulina Platensis Extract
  • Palmaria Palmata Extract
  • *Bisabolol
  • *Tocopheryl Acetate
  • Retinyl Palmitate
  • Ascorbyl Palmitate
  • Arnica Montana Flower Extract
  • Calendula Officinalis Flower Extract
  • Lonicera Caprifolium (Honeysuckle) Extract
  • Sodium Pca
  • Urea
  • Trehalose
  • Polyquaternium-51
  • Ethylhexyl Methoxycinnamate
  • Tricaprylyl Citrate
  • Cyclopentasiloxane
  • Dimethiconol
  • Bis-PEG/PPG-20/20 Dimethicone
  • Hydroxyethylcellulose
  • Disodium EDTA
  • Triethanolamine
  • Sd Alcohol 39-C (Alcohol Denat.)
  • Betaine
  • Phospholipids
  • Fragrance
  • Benzyl Alcohol
  • Farnesol
  • Linalool
  • Hydroxycitronellal
  • Alpha-Isomethyl Ionone
  • Amyl Cinnamal
  • Hexyl Cinnamal
  • Evernia Furfuracea (Treemoss) Extract
  • Geraniol
  • Benzyl Benzoate
  • Butylphenyl Methylpropional
  • Citronellol
  • Eugenol
  • Benzyl Salicylate
  • Chlorphenesin
  • Phenoxyethanol
  • Methylparaben
  • Benzoic Acid
  • Red 33

Whew!!  Now that’s a deep roster.  No wonder this team spends more on talent than most other teams in the Lotion Challenge league.

Drive By Drive Game Details

La Prairie Cellular S&B Facial Opens with Dipropylene Glycol

triple threat (to win

“triple threat” by gerrybuckel (CC BY-ND 2.0), via

Dipropylene Glycol is a triple threat of talent on the Lotion Challenge field.  And, DG is hoping to propel his team to the title of Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin.

Many are unfamiliar with these talents.  But, the technical name for each talent is:

  • 4-oxa-2,6-heptandiol
  • 2-(2-hydroxy-propoxy)-propan-1-ol
  • 2-(2-hydroxy-1-methyl-ethoxy)-propan-1-ol

Together these talents blend to allow DPG (the team gave Dipropylene Glycol that nickname) to be odorless (allows DPG to get free in the middle of the field without notice), without color (confuses the defense and they lose track of DPG ), a high boiling point (DPG keeps it’s cool under pressure), and low toxicity (not DPG ‘s best feature on the field, but it makes DPG a fan favorite).

On La Prairie’s first drive DPG opens with low toxicity and another not very well know talent, solvency to tip toe through holes in the offensive line for gains for 2, 5, 3 (1st down after a measurement), and 15 yards.

After drawing a penalty for offsides (the defense got too close trying to catch a sniff), DPG uses low skin irritant to scratch out another big gainer to get into the red zone.

But, then the drive stalled with DPG not able to convert on a 3rd and short.  La Prairie Cellular lined up on 4th down for a 39 yard FG. The FG is GOOD!  La Prairie starts the game with an early lead.

Natural Vibrancy Responds with Water

Natural Vibrancy’s Natural Body’s main ingredient is water.  So, it only makes sense that the NVNB coaches open the game with buckets of it…  NVNB style.

Envy “NVNB” Water is a multi-talented player.

NVNB Water embodies moisturizing properties.  NVNB uses this talent on the opening play to slip past the La Prairie defensive end for a slippery 7 yard gain.

Water follows this play up with improved skin blood flow.  A screen pass on the right side burst through the secondary of the defense as the play flowed for 27 yards.

Water then put on display cool moves that “sealed” the edges of the defense (sealed the pores) to prevent dirt and other foreign substances from stopping the play.  Two plays of 3 and 8 yards gave NVNB another first down inside the red zone.

NVNB Water used the hurry up to pour on the momentum and softened up the defense with gushing rushes up the middle.   Plays of 2, 4, 4, and finally a 7 yard plunge into the end zone for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (protection of the outer most layer of skin) was GOOD!

La Prairie Facial Tries to Hit the Spot with Butylene Glycol

The LPF coach looks down the bench and sends Butylene Glycol into the game.

ButGly, as he’s know affectionately to teammates has some skeletons in the closet.   But, does have some talent on the Lotion Challenge field of play.

ButGly is known for help his teammates dissolve into the background during plays.

He mixes it up with the defense acting as a viscosity-decreasing agent during plays.  I other words, instead of the opponents defense applying friction to the person with the ball, ButGly is blocking to keep the defensive players off of the ball carrier.

On the first three plays of the LPF drive, ButGly provided blocks that sprung the LPF runner for gains of 4, 9, and 15 yards.

ButGly tiptoes down the sidelines on the next play for another 17 yards, stretching the offense thin so LPF can slip through the holes of this defense.

As LPF was using Butylene Glycol for strong conditioning talents, during a solid march down the field, the referee’s threw a flag for holding.  The referee’s flag set the offense back for an illegal play.  But, replays of the supposed penalty were inconclusive.

ButGly was very useful on this drive.  But, with the penalty, the drive stalls and LPF has to settle for a 48 yard FG.  The kick is up and true!

Natural Vibrancy Spits out the Oil From Sunflower Seeds

With the Natural Vibrancy defense doing its job keeping La Prairie out of the end zone, the NV coach cracks some sunflower seeds and sends out Sunflower Seed Oil to drive the offense on this next drive to try and secure the title of Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin.

Sunflower Seed Oil comes with many talents.  And, some perceived risks.  It will be interesting to see how this coaching decision plays out.

To start off the drive, SSO brings out its fatty acid contents on the first couple of plays.  The beefed up line is able to push LPF back for runs of 3, 2, 5, and 5 yards.

SSO then links up with Vitamin E for a pass of 18 yards on an antioxidant route (the route inhibits the oxidation of the defending molecules).  The loss of electrons frees up a free radical Vitamin E for the reception.

After another attempt by fatty acid to plow up the middle gains 1 and 1 yard, this sets up a key 3rd down and 8 yards to go play.

SSO uses improved heart health to avoid a cardiac arrest on the 3rd down play by busting a screen pass for 17 yards.

SSO then comes back to fatty acids.  But, the LPF defense is ready.  This time, too much Sunflower Seed Oil backfires because of an omega-6 to omega-3 fatty acids mismatch (read the details here on why that’s not a great combination).

After failing on a 3rd and short, the Natural Vibrancy coach sends out the kicker for a short 41 yards FG.  The kick is good!

La Prairie Cellular Facial Inserts Glycerin

The La Prairie Cellular Facial coach inserts Glycerin into the game.

Glycerin brings talents such as being odorless, colorless, viscous, and soluble in water.

On the first play, Glycerin stays in to block for a pass.  As the play develops, Glycerin hides behind the LP Facial lineman to avoid being seen.

Glycerin then slides out to the right flat as the pocket starts to collapse.  The quarterback dumps the ball off to Glycerin before being hit by the Natural Vibrancy defensive line.

But, since Glycerin is virtually invisible on the field, the defense isn’t able to sniff out Glycerin’s location quickly and Glycerin scampers up the right sideline for a bulky 25 yard gain before being shoved out of bounds.

Glycerin then applies some substance on the ground.  Slowly, but with strength and body thickness, Glycerin flows through the defense for runs of 4, 6, and 2 yards.

Seeing that the Natural Vibrancy has inserted Water into the secondary as a defender, Glycerin calls a play that when combined with Water is a nice solution that results in a 21 yard catch.

Resorting to some more viscous running, Glycerin pounds out runs of 4, 3, and on a draw play another 4 yards to get a first down in the red zone.

Glycerin then runs a fade route pass play that is sweet to the taste.  Glycerin leaps towards the corner pylon in the back of the end zone and swallows up the ball for a beautiful catch for a 16 yard TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (being non-toxic) is GOOD!

Natural Vibrancy Sticks with the Oils

The Natural Vibrancy coach finds his team chock full of oils.

Apricot kernel oil pleads with its coach to let it in the game and the coach, liking Apricot’s enthusiasm sends it in.

Apricot kernel oil brings several talents to the game including making skin soft, emollient properties to keep the skin pliable, and increase hydration.

On this drive, Apricot kernel oil opens up with a full offensive line that overwhelms the defense.  Apricot kernel oil and the offensive line flush the La Prairie Cellular defense out of the way for runs of 6, 8, 4, and 9 yards.

After pummeling the defense with powerful blocking and running, Apricot kernel oil calls a play action play to draw the cheating linebackers and safeties up.  The fake works and Apricot kernel oil drops a pass into the soft middle of the defense for a 35 yard play.

With the defense getting tired, Apricot kernel oil moves back to the run behind offensive lineman fatty acids (a sure pro bowl candidate), vitamins A, C, and E and bends the defense like it bends skin.  After runs of 4 and 6 yards, Apricot kernel oil grinds its nutty way into the end zone for a 4 yard TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (antioxidant abilities) is GOOD!

La Prairie Cellular Hurries Up with Polysorbate 80

With only a minute left before halftime, the La Prairie coach turns to Polysorbate 80 to try and get something done before halftime.

Polysorbate 80 is a surfactant.  This means that it is really good at lowering the surface tension between two liquids or between a liquid and a solid.

With the La Prairie WRs having had off field problems during the practice week (each one wanting more playing time), Polysorbate 80 is a good call by the coach.

Needing big chunks of yards, Polysorbate 80 lines up in the shot gun and drops back to pass.  On this first play, the two feuding WRs Bisabolol and Tocopheryl Acetate run into each other as they both run the wrong routes.

Polysorbate 80 is furious and gets in each of their faces imploring them to get with the program.

The Tocopheryl Acetate Response

On the next play, the two WRs work much better together as Bisabolol clears out the DBs down the right sideline, and Tocopheryl Acetate runs a 20 yard out for a completion getting out of bounds with 45 seconds on the clock.

On the next play, the defense sticks to the WRs like glue.  But, Polysorbate 80 avoids the rush and pops out of the mass of lineman humanity into the open field.  Polysorbate 80 is able to run for 15 yards before sliding to a stop and calling timeout with 25 seconds left.

Need at least 10 more yards to get into field goal range and being out of timeouts, Polysorbate 80 needs to be careful to not get sacked.

After the timeout, the La Prairie coach sends in a QB draw play.  As Bisabolol and Tocopheryl Acetate run deep middle routes to pull the LBs away from the line of scrimmage, the La Prairie lineman force the defensive tackle and defensive end on the right side away from each other to create a hole for Polysorbate 80 to exploit.

Polysorbate 80 scampers up field for 12 yards and slides to the ground with 15 seconds on the running clock.

Just Get Some Points!!

The La Prairie team having practice this play ad nausium during practices, sprinted back to the line of scrimmage to run a play to spike the ball.  Polysorbate 80 took his time to make sure everyone was set, and call for the ball with 2 seconds on the clock to spike it.

The clock stopped with 1 second and the FG unit came onto the field for a 50 yard FG attempt.  Polysorbate 80 kicks the ball and it heads right towards the right upright.  The kick is far enough…  It hits the upright and fall just inside the goal post for a 50 yard FG.  GOOD!

Halftime with Natural Vibrancy on Top

La Prairie Cellular kicked a long FG to shave the Natural Vibrancy lead to 1 point.  LPC opened the game with the ball, so Natural Vibrancy opens the 2nd half receiving the kickoff.

Can the slim lead of one point by Natural Vibrancy hold up for the title of Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin.

Natural Vibrancy Open 2nd Half with Sorbitan Olivate

Natural Vibrancy opens the 2nd half with the first of it’s Olivate brothers.

Sorbitan Olivate is the fatty acid of the two brothers that are both derived from the Olive Oil family.

One of the great features of Sorby (Sorbitan Olivate‘s nickname), is that he brings teammates together to blend them into a powerful team using nonionic emulsifier qualities.

Sorby hopes to kick off the second half for NV and push them towards retaining the title of Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin.

After the kickoff was returned to the 19 yard line, Sorby trots onto the field to wield his blend of offense.

On the first play, the NV QB lines up in the shotgun and drops back to pass.  Sorby lines up at WR and runs a skin fade route, but the NV QB is hit as the ball leaves his hands, and the ball falls incomplete.

Coach Goes Old School

The NV coach then decides to feed the ball to Sorby on consecutive runs that go for 12, 2, and 3 yards.

Sorby then lines up in the wildcat surprises the defense by dropping back to pass.  But, Sorby doesn’t find any open receivers, and instead cuts up field and makes it 9 yards before being brought down.

Sorby takes the next handoff and emulsifies for 3 yards.

On 2nd and 7 from the 29 yard line, the NV QB drops back again, but a blitz by the defense almost gets to the QB.  The NV QB quickly gets rid of the ball, but the blitzing linebacker jumps up and swats the ball 25 yards backwards.

On 3rd and long, Sorby lines up in the wildcat again.  But, the defense is determined to not let Sorby take off running again.  Sorby sees an open WR in the middle of the field, but the ball slips out of his silky hands and flutters to the ground.

On 4th down, Sorby lines up to attempt a 47 yard FG.  The kick is up, it’s long enough, it splits the uprights and is GOOD!

LPC Send in Risky PEG-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil Play

La Prairie Cellular’s coach makes a surprising move by sending in PEG-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil.

The PEG stands for polyethylene glycol.  The Castor Oil is derived from the castor seed.

H-Coil (slides much easier off the tongue) brings the following traits to the game:

  • Emulsifier
  • Surfactant
  • Fragrance

After receiving the kickoff, LPC makes a mistake bringing the ball out of the end zone and returns the ball to the 13 yard line.

H-Coil opens the drive with a quick slant pass to an cutting WR for a sweet smelling 9 yard catch.

On the next play H-Coil takes the handoff, but is stuff in the back field for a 1 yard loss.

On 3rd and 2, H-Coil lines up in the slot, and the ball is knocked down by the DB.  However, there is a flag on the play as the NV blitzing DB hits the LPC quarterback late and receives a roughing the passer 15 yard penalty.

The LPC coach then decides to hand off the ball on 3 consecutive plays and H-Coil runs for 2, 4 and 1 yards.  This brings up 4th and 3 yards from their own 43 yard line.

H-Coil comes in on 4th down and booms a punt.  The NV return man pretends that the ball is going to the right side of the field, but the ball hits on the left side of the field and no one on the LPC team isn’t able to down the ball as it bounces into the end zone for a touchback.

Cetearyl Olivate is Up Next for Natural Vibrancy

After the punt, Natural Vibrancy starts its offense from the 20 yard line.

The Natural Vibrancy coach open this drive with Cetearyl Olivate, the “other” Olive Oil brother.

Cetearyl Olivate with Olive Oil heritage has additional abilities including using an esterification of the fatty acid groups.  After working with sorbitol and cetearyl alcohol, Cetearyl Olivate learned how to be non-ionic and how to work as a mild emulsifier.

Cetearyl Olivate’s talent include smooth moves, and characteristics that exude luxury.

On the first play from scrimmage, a pass is thrown deep down the right sideline to Cetearyl Olivate for a smooth 16 yard gain.

Cetearyl Olivate then runs up the middle trying to pierce the defense, but is stacked up after a 2 yard gain.

Natural Vibrancy then hands off to Cetearyl Olivate off tackle, and Cetearyl Olivate bounces outside, lures the defensive backs into a trance with his luxurious moves and washes down the sidelines for a 49 yard gallop.

Lining up in the wildcat formation, Cetearyl Olivate catches the snap, and puts in a silky run of 8 yards to the 5 yard line.

Feed Me The Ball!!

Cetearyl Olivate then line up in the shotgun and tries to push more luxury on the La Prairie DBs.  But, the recognize the play and knock the ball away harmlessly as the clock winds to zero to end the 3rd quarter.

On the first play of the 4th quarter, on 3rd down and short, NV lines up in the shotgun spreading the field with receivers wide to each side.  After the snap, the QB hands the ball off to Cetearyl Olivate, and as a RB Cetearyl Olivate is able to push the pile of dead skin defense back for 3 yards and a first down.

Going back to the Wildcat formation, NV hikes the ball to Cetearyl Olivate and this time the defense is waiting and swallows up Cetearyl Olivate for a 1 yard loss.

On 3rd down, NV lines up in the shotgun, and with 3 WRs to the right, runs an ionic play to dissociate into ions in a water solution.  The Ionic play disperses the defense and Cetearyl Olivate turns at the goal line and is able to receive a bullet pass and fall into the end zone for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (providing emulsifier properties) is GOOD!

La Prairie Cellular S&B Looking to Slip back into the Game with PEG-8 Dimethicone

Feeling the title of Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin falling out of reach, the La Prairie Cellular coach sends in PEG-8 Dimethicone to try and get back within a one drive score.

PEG-8 Dimethicone bring many talents to the game:

  • Conditions Hair (not helpful in this game)
  • Lowers surface tension between liquids and solids (other players on the team)
  • Wetting characteristics
  • A fairly bland Oder
  • Emulsifier
  • Removes tackiness from the team
  • Slippery properties
  • Dispersant (good at distributing the ball to other players)
  • Soluble in Water

That’s A Lot To Overcome!!

After the Natural Vibrancy kickoff sailed out of the end zone for the touchback, PEG-8 Dimethicone trots onto the field to organize this drive.

On the first play, P-Dim (nickname given to PEG-8 Dimethicone by teammates) lines up in the shotgun.  Dropping back to pass, P-Dim surveys the field and finds Water for a 13 yard reception.

P-Dim calmly organizes his team by huddling up as La Prairie isn’t in the hurry up offense yet.

On the next play P-Dim again surveys the field, but Water has been taken from P-Dim by a double team.  P-Dim has to scramble and eludes a couple of defenders before trying to make a pass on the run that falls short of the receiver.

Lining up in a wildcat formation, P-Dim takes the next snap and runs up the middle for 2 yards.

On 3rd down and 8 yards, P-Dim lines up in the shotgun again.  This time the coach sends in an emulsifying play know it’s a specialty of P-Dim.   A crossing route between Water and Maris Aqua confuses the Natural Vibrancy DBs and leaves Maris Aqua open in a gap.  P-Dim reads the play perfectly and delivers the pass for a 15 yard gain to keep the drive alive.

From midfield, P-Dim lines up in the shotgun again, and can’t find anyone open.  As P-Dim tries to clear the defensive line, a Natural Vibrancy lineman sticks a hand out and trips P-Dim and he falls for no gain.

Can P-Dim Close The Deal?

On 2nd and 10, P-Dim lines up in the shotgun and reads the secondary.  Seeing a mismatch of Water on the right side, P-Dim looks off the safety to the left side, and then turns and delivers a hot, wet bottle rocket to Water.  Water soaks up the pass for a 22 yard gain.

Back to the wildcat, P-Dim takes the snap and plows over right tackle for 4 yards.

On 2nd down, P-Dim calls his own number again as the pass play turns into a quick run.  P-Dim is able to get to the outside for a short 3 yard gain.

On 3rd down and 3, the La Prairie coach pulls a fast one and calls a trick play.  P-Dim lines up in the shotgun, and throws a short out (backwards pass) to Water.  Water catches the ball and briefly looks to run upstream.  Water then turns and spouts a pass back to P-Dim and P-Dim is racing for the end zone.  The Natural Vibrancy defenders are able to push P-Dim out of bounds at the 2 yard line.

On the next play, the La Prairie coach brings in 5 WRs to spread the field.  P-Dim starts in the shotgun and reads the double coverage on both sides of the field.  P-Dim then walks up behind the center, takes the snap and PEG-8 Dimethicone bulls into the end zone for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point was stuffed at the line of scrimmage and was NO GOOD!

Natural Vibrancy to Preserve Game With Cocoa Seed Butter

Hoping to smooth the game away, the Natural Vibrancy coach pressed Cocoa Seed Butter into the game to try and spread the lead for the title of Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin.

C-Butter as he’s known to his teammates, brings his craft to the game with these features:

  • Resistance to oxidation
  • Keeps the team fresh not rancid for 2 to 5 years
  • Texture like velvet
  • Pleasant fragrance
  • Emollient properties
  • Prevention of stretch marks
  • Chapped skin and/or lips treatment
  • Skin burn treatment
  • Moisturizer- Itchy skin prevention
  • Effective treatment of mouth sores

C-Butter Has It Going On

The NV coach is looking for C-Butter to get a couple of first downs while running the clock.

After the kickoff touchback, to open the drive, C-Butter keeps the ball on the ground to keep the clock running.  But, the La Prairie Cellular defence keeps C-Butter bottled up for no gain.  LPC calls its first timeout.

C-Butter lines up in the slot and feeling that the LPC defense is going to be stacking the line of scrimmage, the NV coach puts the QB into the shotgun in a passing formation.  The defense isn’t sure what to do as the ball is snapped.  C-Butter runs a short route into the right flat and the ball is delivered on time and on target.  C-Butter catches the ball and pushes up field for a 6 yard gain before being thrown to the ground.

On 3rd down and 4, the NV QB lines up in the shotgun again, this time C-Butter goes in motion as the ball is snapped.  Itching to get down field, C-Butter calms himself by sniffing his pleasant fragrance, but the NV QB is hit as the ball is delivered.  The pass falls short of C-Butter.

On 4th down, C-Butter doesn’t worry about stretch marks as he BOOMs the punt 53 yards in the air.  The LPC punt returner is able to catch the ball easily as C-Butter out kicks the punt coverage.  The return goes for 8 yards before NV knocks the returner out of bounds.

La Prairie Tries to Solve NV Defense with Propylene Glycol

Starting from their own 30 yard line, the La Prairie coach puts the ball into Propylene Glycol’s sensitive hands.

Propylene Glycol is a skin conditioning agent that has had bad blood in the media with rumors swirling about him causing allergic reactions, dermatitis and urticaria.

Propylene Glycol’s positive talents include the ability to decrease viscosity (thins tempers among teammates), and solves difficult problems.

Down 5 on the scoreboard Propylene Glycol is facing a difficult problem considering how well the NV defense has been playing in the game.

The Propylene Glycol Proposition

It’s alway boom or bust for Propylene Glycol. If he can avoid rubbing the team the wrong way, he often gets the job done.

To start off the drive, Propylene Glycol tries to loosen up the defense with a conditioning run up the middle, but is stuffed for a 1 yard gain.

On 2nd down, PropyG (his playing nickname) starts off in the backfield, but goes in motion to the slot. Turning quickly after the snap, the QB gets the ball directly to PropyG. PropyG cuts immediately to the inside of the field avoiding the NV LB. PropyG plows through the safety as he’s tripped up. But, not before gaining 12 yards.

On 1st down, PropyG runs a deep flag route, but the QB isn’t given enough time and has to release the ball too early. PropyG is showing irritation because he was open on the play.

Being irritated, PropyG loses focus and jumps offsides too early on 2nd down.

This brings up 2nd down and 15, and PropyG desperately wants the ball. As he swings wide behind the line of scrimmage, the QB drops the ball off to PropyG. But, the defense is like pollen on a dog and swarms PropyG down for a 3 yard loss.

The NV defense is jumping for joy until they see the flag and realize that one of their defensive lineman had lined up off sides for a 5 yard penalty.

After a quick snap to try and get additional plays in under the 2 minute warning, the quick slant hits PropyG in his hands, but with too much conditioner, the ball slips through stopping the clock as 2:07 left in the game.

PropyG lines up in the slot and runs a 10 yard stop and turn route. The La Prairie QB times the pass perfectly, and PropyG is hit immediately. Controlling his viscosity levels, PropyG thins his way between two tacklers and drags the pile another 6 yards.


"Interception" (seals the deal for the title of Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin)

“Interception” by Andrew Currie (CC BY 2.0), via

To get a mismatch of a DB on PropyG, PropyG lines up at WR and bulls his way up field knocking the defender back. On the back shoulder fade pass, PropyG stops and catches the ball stepping out of bound for a 15 yard gain.

After an incomplete pass to another WR, PropyG takes a sweet smelling hand off up the middle for 4 yards.

This brings up 3rd and 6 yards from the NV 23 yards line. The La Prairie QB lines up in the shotgun. PropyG lines up again at WR hoping to get that same mismatch. This time the NV defense is ready and rolls a safety over the top. As the back shoulder pass is made, the safety jumps the route and INTERCEPTS the ball in the end zone for a touchback!

Natural Vibrancy Clocks In Glycerin

NV’s coach gives Glycerin the honor of taking the ‘V’ formation, taking a knee twice to run out the clock.  La Prairie being out of timeouts can only stand an watch in disgust as the game comes to an end.  NV wins the title of Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin.

FINAL: Natural Vibrancy 27  La Prairie 22

Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin Wins the Title Best Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin

Natural Vibrancy’s team Natural Body Lotion for Dry Sensitive Skin is the WINNER of the game and retains the title of Natural Body Lotion for Dry Skin.

Box Score

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