Oct 172015

Yalmeh Aloe Vera vs Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer

FINAL SCORE: Yalmeh Aloe Vera vs Perricone MD (27-30)

In this North Facial Division facial lotion match up we have a true “face off” (pun intended).  Yalmeh Aloe Vera vs Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer.

Yalmeh Aloe Vera Face Moisturizer

[break]Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer









Yalmeh Aloe Vera Face Moisturizer brings in a vegetarian team that leaves critics wondering “where’s the beef”.  But, what Yalmeh Aloe Vera lacks in true protein based “beefy” team members, it makes up with no tofu talent.

The Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer team brings a more scientific approach to this game, relying on it’s training and education to try and outsmart its opponents.

Do You Want the WINNER of This Game?


The North Facial Division of the Lotion Challenge League kicks off the season with these trendy specialized teams.

Will the plant based talents of Yalmeh be smart enough to challenge the complicated and well educated talents of Perricone MD?

The Players

Here are the players (ingredients) for each team (product).

Yalmeh Aloe Vera Face Moisturizer

Yalmeh Aloe Vera Face Moisturizer

[wpi_designer_button text='I WANT THIS TEAM' link='/internal/YalmehAloeVeraFaceMoisturizer' style_id='276' icon='digg' target='_blank']

Yalmeh’s lineup:
  • *Tea of Wildcrafted Taraxacum Officinale (Dandelion)
  • *Wildcrafted Arnica Montana (Arnica)
  • *Organic Curcuma Longa (Turmeric)
  • *Organic Calendula Officinalis (Calendula)
  • *Organic Aloe Barbadensis (Organic Aloe Vera) Leaf Juice
  • Glyceryl Stearate (Plant Derived)
  • Cetearyl Alcohol (Plant Derived)
  • Carthamus Tinctorius (Safflower) Seed Oil
  • Stearic Acid (Plant Derived)
  • Helianthus Annuus (Sunflower) Seed Oil
  • Kosher Vegetable Glycerin
  • Oenothera Biennis (Evening Primrose Oil)
  • Isopropyl Palmitate (Palm Oil)
  • *CoQ10
  • Decyl Glucoside (plant derived)
  • Glyceryl Caprylate (Natural Preservative)
  • Sodium Carbomer
  • Sodium Hydroxide (pH Modifier)
  • Organic Centella Asiatica (Gotu Kola)
  • Wildcrafted Equisetum Arvense (Horsetail)
  • Wildcrafted Geranium Maculatum (Wild Geranium)
  • Tocopherol (Antioxidant)
  • Ethylhexylglycerin (Preservative)
  • Lonicera Caprifolium (Honeysuckle) Flower Extract
  • Lonicera Japonica (Honeysuckle) Extract (Natural Preservative)

Yalmeh certainly is proud of how it has put together the list of natural talents.

Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer

Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer

The Perricone MD’s roster includes:

  • *Aqua (Water)
  • *Ethylhexyl Palmitate
  • *Glycerin
  • *Aleurites Moluccana (Kukui Nut) Seed Oil
  • Cetearyl Alcohol
  • Polyacrylamide
  • Polysorbate 60
  • Glyceryl Stearate
  • PEG-100 Stearate
  • Dimethyl MEA (DMAE)
  • C13-14 Isoparaffin
  • Citric Acid
  • PEG/PPG-18/18 Dimethicone
  • Dimethicone
  • *Caprylyl Glycol
  • Phenoxyethanol
  • *Tetrahexyldecyl Ascorbate (Vitamin C Ester)
  • L-Tyrosine
  • Parfum (Fragrance)
  • Laureth-7
  • Hexylene Glycol
  • Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein
  • Tocopheryl Acetate
  • Citronellol
  • Geraniol
  • Hydrolyzed Wheat Starch
  • Thioctic Acid (Alpha Lipoic Acid)
  • Hydroxycitronellal
  • Butylphenyl Methylpropional
  • Benzyl Benzoate
  • *Eugeno

Perricone MD has smartly put together this roster and expects to compete well this season.

Drive By Drive Game Details

Yalmeh Wins the Coin Toss

The coin toss is won by Yalmeh, who  elects to receive.

Yalmeh Opens the Game with Dandelion

The top ingredient in Yalmeth is “Tea of Wildcrafted Taraxacum Officinale”.  Or, as he’s known to the home town folks:  Dandelion.

What does Dandelion bring to Yalmeh in terms of talent?  Well, most opponents of Dandelion think of it as just a weed.

However, Dandelion is simply bursting with talent.  For this opening drive, Dandelion starts off by fighting acne.  In a run up the middle, the middle linebacker Acne is there in the hole ready to plug it.  But, Dandelion fight through the linebacker breaking into the secondary for a 17 yard gallop.

Dandelion then puts a treatment on the defensive ends Sting and Burn for end runs of 4 and 6 yards.

Dandelion is just getting started when it calls a screen pass to challenge Jaundice.  Jaundice gets body blocked on the play and Dandelion springs down the field for a 22 yard gain.

Showing no resistance to Dandelion, the Perricone MD’s defense seems to still have it’s head in the play book, studying, during a play action pass for a 30 yard post play into the end zone for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (extra Vitamin K) is GOOD!

Perricone MD Rushes Back with Aqua

The Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer coaches game plan appears to be fluid as they respond to the Yalmeh score with Aqua (also know as Perricone MD water).

Water is a well known talent in the Lotion Challenge league.  So, Perricone MD Aqua comes from a long line of talented ancestry.

Among the talents that Aqua brings to Perricone MD are fullness, hydration, nourishment, and the ability to impart a certain glow.

Aqua starts the drive off with a full glass taken right down the pipe for plunges of 4, 8 and 3 yards.

Aqua then hydrates the right side of the defense spraying the secondary with splashes for 7 and 9 yards.

As Aqua turns up the spigot to burst into the secondary for another long gainer of 17 yards.

As the defense creeps up to try and dam up the onslaught of offense, Aqua calls a play action fake to the running back and drops back to pass.

With the linebacker falling for the fake, Aqua spurts past the defense and receives a 31 yard slant pass for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (bursting fullness) is GOOD!

Yalmeh Responds with Controversial Arnica

The Yalmeh coach relies heavily on its second most used player on the Yalmeh team.  So, Arnica enters the game.

Arnica has many claims of talent that include effectiveness in treating bruises, treating arthritis symptoms, treatment of pain and swelling, treatment of diabetic eye damage, and reduction of ulcers in the mouth of cancer patients.

That’s quite a laundry list of talent.

But, studies have been inconclusive in proving many of these talents.

Arnica starts this drive with fresh legs and a little skip in its step.  Arnica breaks a tackle and burst down field for a hefty 17 yard gallop.

Looking far from arthritic, Arnica explodes up the middle for an 11 yard burst.

On the next play Arnica runs the wheel route and catches the ball over the linebackers outstretched arms for another big play of 22 yards.  But, on the play, the Perricone MD safety unloads a big hit to knock Arnica out of bounds.

Arnica spits in its hands and tries to rub some dirt on the bruise it received on the wheel route play, but Arnica seems to be a little hobbled heading back to the huddle.

On the next play Yalmeh goes back to pass, but Arnica isn’t able to leap high enough for the catch.  Arnica runs for 5 yards on the next play.  On 3rd down Arnica receives a screen pass, but isn’t able to shake the defense and is tackled a yard short of the 1st down.

It seemed Arnica just didn’t have enough to address the bruise it received on the wheel house hit and the drive stalls at the 25 yard line.

Anarca kicks from 42 yards.  The kick is GOOD!

Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer Sends in Ethylhexyl Palmitate

The Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer coach tries to solve his problems with EP.

Ethylhexyl Palmitate, or EP to his teammates has many talents.  A few of the talents EP excels at are:

  • Solvent
  • Carrying agent
  • Pigment wetting agent
  • Fragrance fixative
  • Emollient

With EP as a strong carrying agent, EP knows how to hang on to the football (among other things).  EP hasn’t fumbled during his entire career as a carrying agent.

On Perricone MDs next drive, EP is tasked with carrying the offense to the promised land.

On the first five plays, EP is given the rock and runs between the tackles for runs of 4, 5, 5, 7, and 3 yards.  Each play the defense is tugging at the ball, but Ethylhexyl Palmitate uses that poor tackling form to drag the defense for extra yards.

Ethylhexyl Palmitate With Strong Hands

Being strong at pigment wetting, this sometimes causes other players to have problems holding on to the pigskin.

But, EP is the exception.  Ethylhexyl Palmitate continues on the drive, taking an outlet pass for a nice 10 yard gain.

As the Perricone MD coach watches the defense creep closer and closer to the line of scrimmage to try and stop to formidable Ethylhexyl Palmitate, the Perricone MD coach waits for the perfect moment to call the play action call.

After 7 consecutive gains of positive yards that kept the chains moving, the Perricone MD coach picked the perfect time for play action.

The Yahmeh coach had dialed up a run blitz…

The play action pulled in the safety.  The Perricone MD tight end faked a block on the safety, then sprinted past that last defender.  After the fake to the RB, EP tucked the ball into his gut to hide the fact that the hand-off had not been made.

After a convincing fake EP turned and passed the ball over the last defender into the Perricone MD tight end’s hands.  The TE sprinted into the end zone for a 55 yard TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (works as an emollient) is GOOD!

Yalmeh Sends in the Superfood

The Yalmeh coach is looking for some variety and sends in Turmeric.

Turmeric is an Indian spice that has been called the healthiest spice on Earth.

With regard to the Lotion Challenge league, Turmeric brings a lot to the table.  Talents like being an exfoliating agent, being the enemy of wrinkles, and fighting acne.

Using a strong offensive line, Turmeric rode along as the line scrubbed away defensive players one by one for runs of 2, 8, 11 and 9 yards.

The Yalmeh QB then took the snap in the shotgun as Turmeric ran  a seam route finding an open wrinkle in the defense.  Turmeric pulled the pass in filling the wrinkle for 16 yards.

Getting a little greedy, the Yalmeh QB drops back on the next play and throws deep down the right sidelines.  The Acne defense is too tough and bumpy, and the ball is unable to make it to Turmeric’s hands.

On 2nd down, the Yalmeh QB drops back, but all WRs are covered, so he checked down to find Turmeric in the flat for a 5 yard catch.

3rd and 5, the Yalmeh QB looked deep again, but everything is covered.  On a double move, outside, and then back inside, Turmeric caught the ball in between two Perricone MD DBs.  The DBs knocked each other off of the tackle, and Turmeric broke open at the 15 yard line.  Turmeric then fakes turning up the field on the safety, and with a burst of speed headed for the sidelines.  Turmeric dives for the pylon and reached the ball across for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point is wide left.  NO GOOD!

Yalmeh Surges to a Halftime Lead

With seven seconds left before halftime, Yalmeh scored their touchdown.

Yalmeh then squib kicked the kickoff, and Perricone’s short man on the kick return team caught it around the 25 yard line and quickly downed the ball.

With so little time, the Perricone MD coach has his team take a knee and goes into halftime looking to regroup and come out with a better plan in the second half.

Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer Nuts Up for a Second Half Run

After going over the science of what happened in the first half, the Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer coaching staff dissected the film and believe they have a game plan to counteract what Yalmeh threw at them in the first half.

Candle Nut Tree (Aleurites rockinghamensis)

“Candle Nut Tree (Aleurites rockinghamensis)” by Jan Smith (CC BY 2.0), via Flickr.com

Yalmeh kicks off to open the 2nd half and boots the ball 3 yard deep into the end zone.  The Perricone MD return man decides to bring the ball out and quickly gets into trouble around the 10 yard line.

After making a couple of moves, the returner cuts up the field and is just about to break into the open when a Yalmeh defender gets a finger on his heel and trips him up at the 19 yard line.

Perricone MD’s coach starts the 2nd half game plan with what some might call a “nutty” choice and sends in Aleurites Moluccana.

Aleurites Moluccana (also known as Candlenut) is derived from the Kukui nut, and is obtained by pressing the nuts to extract the oil from the seed.

Candlenut Exudes Talent

Candlenut is a player with many surprising talents including:

  • Treatment of psoriasis
  • Burned skin treatment
  • Treatment of damages skin
  • Eczema treatment
  • Source of Vitamins A, C, and E
  • Source of antioxidants
  • Source of fatty acids

Each of these talents make Candlenut a difficult player to defend.  Candlenut starts the opening second half drive with a handoff over right tackle for 1 yard.

On 2nd and 9, Perricone MD’s coach uses some of the scientific data gathered at halftime to modify a play that had been shut down in the first half.

Wearing Down the Defense

From the shotgun, Perricone MD lines up two WRs to the left and one to the right.  Candlenut is in the backfield.  The WR on the right goes in motion towards the two WRs on the left.  The ball is hiked and the QB turns to the three WRs on the left and fakes a pass.  The QB then turns to the right as Candlenut has slipped out to the right for a screen pass.  The Perricone MD lineman play it perfectly and get out on the screen pass to block.

Candlenut receives the screen pass at the 19 yard line and his fatty acid lineman place some key blocks.  Candlenut scraps off some itchy eczema defenders and breaks into the open field.  Running down the sidelines, the Yalmeh DB from the other side of the field sprint to try and catch Candlenut.  After 61 yards, they finally catch up and push Candlenut out of bounds at the Yalmeh 19 yard line.

On the very next play, Candlenut lines up at TE and runs a down and out at the goal line.  The Perricone MD QB delivers a strike as Candlenut shakes off free radicals to fall into the end zone for a TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point (helps tissue grow and repair itself) is GOOD!

Yalmeh Tries to Respond with Calendula

After the kickoff sailed out of the end zone for a touchback, the Yalmeh coach looked down its bench and found Calendula.


“Calendula” by Audrey (CC BY 2.0), via Flickr.com

Calendula, or Organic Calendula Officinalis, is an aromatic plant that blooms a beautiful yellow marigold flower.  It has an array of talents that include:

  • Antioxidant properties
  • Improves healing of cuts and abrasions faster
  • Contributes to tissue growth
  • Hydrates skin
  • Firms up complexion
  • Battles bacteria
  • Treats inflammation
  • Knocks out viruses
  • Even known to treat diaper rash

Calendula is one of the older players on the Yalmeh team having thousands of years of experience.

In Calendula’s early years before medical advances, Calendula was rumored to be a warrior against opponents like upset stomach and/or ulcers.  But, as medicine and science advanced, and communication between fans improved, it became apparent that those were just old wives tales.

Calendula Playing Dirty?

Opponents of Calendula have made claims that it sometimes plays dirty and can make your skin more sensitive or even promote allergic reactions.  But, science hasn’t been able to prove or disprove any of these claims with irrefutable evidence.

After the kickoff, Yalmeh and Calendula begin play at the 20 yards line.  On 1st down, Calendula lines up under center and fakes a handoff to the RB and drops back to pass.  The Yalmeh WR runs a short comeback route, but the WR acts like the ball has a virus, or he’s allergic to it and short arms the attempted catch and the ball falls to the ground incomplete.

Calendula then lines up at RB and attempts to grind out the swelling in the defense.  After being hit behind the line of scrimmage by the Perricone MD defensive line, Calendula battle the defensive swelling back and is able to get 2 yards of growth.

On 3rd down, Calendula again tries to connect with the Yalmeh WR and with similar results.  The Calendula pass as first appears to be caught, but as the ball hits the WR’s hands, it appears to be a little too hydrated and slips right through the Yalmeh WR’s fingers.

Calendula punts the ball on 4th and long and gets a firm leg into the kick as it sails 57 yards in the air.  The Perricone MD returner has to wait too long for the punt to get to him and signals for a fair catch at their own 21 yard line.

Perricone MD Reaches Deep for Killer Instinct

Being Behind the 8 Ball

“Being Behind the 8 Ball” by Wendy (CC BY-SA 2.0), via Flickr.com

The Perricone MD feeling a turn in the momentum of the game goes deep down his bench to try for a kill shot to put Yalmeh behind the eight ball.

The choice is Caprylyl Glycol. Cap-G is a killer of microbial pests that try to reduce how long the team can last (it’s a preservative like substance).

Cap-G also has emollient and moisturizing properties. The drawback of going with Cap-G is that he can be an irritant to the skin (which translates to penalties on the Lotion Challenge field of play).

To start the drive, the Perricone MD coach sends in an antimicrobial play to try and destroy some of those smallish DBs in the Yalmeh secondary.

The Perricone MD QB lines up in the shotgun and takes the snap. Cap-G lines up and WR on the right side with two other WRs in front of him. On the snap Cap-G takes a step backwards and receives the quick out pass from the QB.

Cap-G ducks inside and out of his blockers and is able to use his wetting properties to slip out of the grasp of defenders until he is pushed out of bounds 30 yards down field.

On the next two plays, that wetness worked against Cap-G as passes slipped through his hands.

On 3rd and long a flag for irritating and harming the skin of defenders cost Cap-G five yards. When the 3rd down play finally was snapped, Cap-G worked his way down field surrounded by defenders. The Perricone MD QB trying to diagnose the coverage, miscalculated a little and tried to force a ball to Cap-G.  But, Cap-G is crafty, and shields the defender from the ball, forcing contact that draws a pass interference penalty.

New Set of Downs!

After the penalty, Perricone had a first down at the Yalmeh 36 yard line.

After a run that was stuffed in the backfield for a 3 yard loss due to porous blocking, Cap-G drew another penalty for harmful skin contact. A five yard walkoff made it 2nd down and 18.

On 2nd and long, the Perricone MD QB found Cap-G in the short flat. But, again Cap-G couldn’t hang on for an incompletion.

On 3rd down and 18, the Perricone MD coach tries to just get the team into FG range with a swing pass to Cap-G. The play looks like it has possibility, but the Yalmeh DE gets a finger on Cap-G and trips him up after a 5 yard gain.

With all of the problems that Cap-G had on the drive, the Perricone MD coach decides to punt. So, with the punt, Cap-G swings and… SHANKS the punt. It only goes 22 yards. But, it still puts Yalmeh inside their own 20 yard line.

Yalmah Faces its Opponent Using Organic Aloe Barbadensis

Starting deep in their own territory, the Yalmeh coach decides to lather some Aloe Barbadensis (organic style) on his team.

Organic Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, or Organic Aloe Vera, goes by AV to his teammates. AV is a life saver for troubled skin. AV is known for:

  • Treatment of radiation burns
  • Soothes itching skin
  • Reduces skin redness
  • Decreases the effects of sun burn
  • Diminishes redness from cold weather
  • Softens the skin
  • Protects the skin
  • Re-hydrates dry skin

To start the drive, AV begins with runs of 6 and 1 yards as the defense throws it’s best sun burn defensive line at him. But, it does little to affect AV as he pushes the sun’s effects away.

On 3rd down and 3 yards, AV lines up in the slot as the Yalmeh QB takes the snap from the shotgun formation. AV fakes inside and cuts towards the sidelines. The Yalmeh QB delivers a blast of a pass to AV who catches the ball and stiff arms the defenders Itching and Redness and runs away from them down the sidelines. AV was eventually shoved out of bounds at gaining 18 yards.

Gaining Momentum?

On first down, the itchy defense starts to jump offsides, but doesn’t cross the line of scrimmage. AV seeing the movement jumps at the movement for a 5 yard penalty.

Dropping back to pass, Aloe Vera tries a screen pass. The pass is caught, but the Perricone MD defense swarms to the touch and knocks AV off it’s feet for a loss of 5 yards.

Seeing this over agressive play by the Perricone MD defense, AV lines up at WR and at the snap takes a step back faking another screen pass. But, the Perricone MD defense is radiating too fast on the coverage, as AV after the pump fake by the Yalmeh QB, turns up field and rushes past the defender that is trying to grab AV, but can’t.

AV catches a line drive pass by the Yalmeh QB and is off to the races down the side lines. The Perricone MD safety turns up the speed to try and catch AV. But, AV has the angle. The Perricone MD changes his angle and sprints as fast as he can and reaches out to get a fingertip on AV’s heel.

Can Perricone MD Make the End Zone?

Rudolph kicks a field goal

“Rudolph kicks a field goal” by abbamouse (CC BY-SA 2.0), via Flickr.com


AV trips himself up, but has enough balence to step down the sidelines for a huge gain before finally losing the battle of balance. But, not before a gain of 53 yards!

One 1st down at the Perricone MD 15 yard line, AV runs for 6 and -1 yards. On 3rd down, AV lines up in the wildcat formation and smoothly avoids the defensive rush over to the right side of the field, and then back to the left. All the time AV is looking down field for open WRs, but none are to be found.

AV eventually runs out of breath and before he has time to get rid of the ball, he gets hit and knock out of bounds for a 5 yard loss.

Aloe Vera stays in for the short FG attempt. The kick is up and GOOD from 33 yards!

Perricone MD Sends in Big Gun Glycerin

The Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer coach’s collar is starting to get a little tight with that last FG pulling Yalmeh within another FG of a lead.

So, the Perricone MD coach sends in one of his Ace’s:  Glycerin.

Glycerin is one of the top ingredients (percentage-wise by volume as well) on the Perricone MD team.

Glycerin has extensive experience having been a key contributor on multiple teams before joing the Perricone MD team.

Some of the key talents that Glycerin has are:

  • Denaturant (makes him unfit for consumption)
  • Fragrance (quite the contrarian from the previous talent)
  • Humectant (retains water)
  • Viscosity Decreasing Agent (thins out the heard)
  • Solvent (a strong problem solver)

On the first play from scrimmage, Glycerin lines up in the backfield and tries to thin out the defense with a gash off of left tackle. The run goes for 9 yards.

Glycerin Pounding the Defense

Gridiron Bingo: Screen Pass

“Gridiron Bingo: Screen Pass” by Ron Mader (CC BY-SA 2.0), via Flickr.com

Glycerin starts in the backfield on 2nd down, and goes in motion. On the hike, Glycerin curls under the offensive lineman and receive a middle screen pass.

Cutting up field behind his blockers, Glycerin sees a LB coming from the left side, but solves that problem by ducking behind one of his enormous lineman. This move breaks Glycerin into the open field as he jukes the safety.

Heading straight up field, it’s a foot race to the end zone. But, even though Glycerin is a thinning agent, he doesn’t have the foot speed to outrun the defensive secondary as they finally drag him down. But, not until gaining 45 yards.

The offense then wastes no time getting the next play in. Glycerin goes in motion again, but this time fakes the middle screen, and cuts up field past the LB. The QB zips the ball in and Glycerin walks into the end zone for a 27 yard TOUCHDOWN!  The extra point is not found and is NO GOOD!

Yalmeh Goes Free Radical with CoQ10

The Yalmeh coach watches the kick sail out of the end zone for a touchback while wondering what it will take to get back into this game.

Looking down his bench the coach decides to go free radical and sends in CoQ10.

CoQ10 is a quality antioxidant that fights free radicals to make your skin fight aging. CoQ10 is also essential to bringing energy to the team.

A future NFL punt kicker in the making?

“A future NFL punt kicker in the making?” by Steve Baker (CC BY-ND 2.0), via Flickr.com

CoQ10 starts the drive dropping back to pass. The quick out pass to the WR lacks the oxygen to get to the WR and falls flat.

CoQ10 follows up with a wildcat formation that goes 2 yards and a cloud of not so free radical dust.

For 3rd down and long, CoQ10 drops back to pass and again tries to hit his WR at the first down marker. But, the pass is overthrown (too much air).

For 4th down, CoQ10 absolutely BOOMs the punt high and far. The Perricone MD returner has to call for a fair catch after the punt traveled 57 yards in the air.

Perricone MD Tries to Clove the Doors on Yalmeh

The Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer coach walks down the players bench and tries to sniff out a winner.

Eugeno practically knocks the coach over with his distintive smells. So, coach sends him into the game.

Halloween Pomander

“Halloween Pomander” by Wendy Piersall (CC BY 2.0), via Flickr.com

Eugeno, or Clove as he’s known to his teammates, is a player that is well known to his opponents. You can smell him coming from a mile away. He is often used to mask other players scents and as a tonic to calm down his team.

Clove starts off the drive with a run around left end. But, the defense sniffs the play out and pushes Clove out for only a 1 yard gain.

From the shotgun, Clove wants to move up wind to mask the play, but loses track of the clock and gets a Delay of Game penalty.

Clove then drifts out into the flat on the next play and receives a short pass. Using great moves to drift in and out of defenders, Clove moves up field. But, the play goes more sideways than up field and Clove only gains 3 yards before being snuffed out.

Clove Takes a Deep Breath Before Continuing

On 3rd down and long, Clove stays in to block. As the play breaks down, Clove wafts his way to the left side of the field and the Perricone MD QB dumps off the ball before getting creamed.

Clove makes quick work of the open field before the wind changes and is able to drift up field for a 15 yard run. The defenders for Perricone MD get extremely mad at the comibination of allowing the 1st down, and the annoyingly sweet smell of Clove, and trying to eliminate the Clove odor with a hard hit.

But, in their haste, the Perricone MD players fly at Clove and are late with the hit. Clove is dusted off with a hard hit, but it is late and out of bounds. A referees mark off the 15 yard penalty to bring the ball to mid field.

Clove takes the next two plays as runs up the middle, but the seething defense from the last play bottles up Clove for no gain on both plays.

From the shotgun, Clove stay in to block again. This time when the play breaks down and Clove tries to float to the side, he’s blown away by a defensive end whose looking for the play. Without an outlet, the QB tries to scramble up field, but is tackled for a 4 yard sack.

On 4th down, Clove drops back to punt and lites up the football. The punt glows like the end of a cigarette as it’s is smoked deep. As the coverage team approaches the goal line, they watch in dismay as the ball sails well into the end zone.

Yalmeh Slips In Glyceryl Stearate

After the touchback, the Yalmeh Aloe Vera coach needs a strong player to try and get not only a touchdown, but a 2pt conversion to tie the game with time running out.

The coach goes with a slippery fellow by the name of Glyceryl Stearate. G-Stears (as he’s known by fans) is known for being able to help form barriers to protect skin. He also is known for emulsifying and surfactant talents.

To start the long drive, G-Stears takes a swing pitch and darts in and out of would be tacklers. Avoiding free-radicals, G-Stears zips left and right. By the time the defense can corral G-Stears and push him out of bounds, he had gained 23 yards.

G-Stears takes a hand off on the next play and shoots the gap up the middle, but is contained for a nice gain of 4 yards.

On a screen pass to the right, G-Stears receives the pass and lines up his blockers to form a beautiful barrier of protection (against his own skin). G-Stears lets the big fellows lead the way up field. As the blockers laid waste to the defensive secondary, G-Stears tip toes around for an 18 yard gain.

With momentum gaining, the coach calls G-Stears’ name for 3 straight emulsifying runs of 9, 3 and 3 yards.

Glyceryl Stearate Keeping the Pressure On

Jasper the border collie leaping in the air catching a stick

“Jasper the border collie leaping in the air catching a stick” by Steve Slater (CC BY 2.0), via Flickr.com

On 2nd and 7 from the 20 yard line, G-Stears goes in motion and at the snap cuts up field along the hash marks. Splitting the safeties, G-Stears goes up high for a deep pass and comes down with it sliding into the end zone.

The referee’s call the pass incomplete as even they can’t believe the catch and are sure the ball came loss as G-Stears hits the ground. So, the play goes to the booth for a review.

After the TV timeout, the verdict comes back and the play is REVERSED! The ball is marked down at the 1 yard line.

Being so close, the coach makes up his mind to use brute strength to get the ball in. He brings his big fullback in to lead G-Stears into the end zone.

Power Football

On the first play, the QB hands off the ball, and the fullback gets a head of steam and blasts straight up the middle. Players fly in every direction, and G-Stears looks like a shoe in to waltz into the end zone. But, in the destruction, that tip toe gets tripped up by a flailing defender and G-Stears falls just short of the end zone.

On 2nd down, Yalmeh lines up in the same formation and this time the QB fakes a hand off to the big FB. As defenders are doing all they can to plug the middle, G-Stears fakes right and goes left into the flat. The QB completes the fake and turns to find a wide open G-Stears. G-Stears makes the catch and walks into the end zone for a TOUCHDOWN!

Needing 2 points to tie, the QB lines up in the shotgun and spreads the field. G-Stears lines up in the slot and runs a down and out. The QB doesn’t see G-Stears at first and has to scramble. Almost getting tackled, the QB uses a hand to keep his balance and then sees G-Stears alone and lofts the ball in a wobbly spiral. The catch is made by G-Stears and the game is tied!

Perricone MD Faces The Clock with Vite-C

With Yalmeh Aloe Vera’s strong push to tie the game, the Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer coach digs deep into his medicine bag and pulls out Tetrahexyldecyl Ascorbate (Vitamin C Ester).

The Perricon MD coach got a good return on the kickoff to the 27 yard line, and needs a good clock game to try and close out this game with a victory.

Tetrahexyldecyl Ascorbate is a form of vitamin C Ester. Known as Vite-C to his teammates, he is strong at skin conditioning and bring stability to the team.

Vite-C has many equivalent peers that know how to bring antioxident properties to their team. What separates Tetrahexyldecyl Ascorbate from the rest is his ability to provide a direct stimulant of new collagen at the same time.

This feature gives Vite-C longevity (which he will need on this do or die drive). Vite-C also has a fatty acid component that helps to penetrate the skin. This will help produce 1st downs for Perricone MD on this drive.

Vite-C starts off the drive relying on his fatty acids with a run up the middle that penetrates the defense for 5 yards. The clock stops for the 2 minute warning.

Two Minute Warning

Vite-C makes passes of 17, 8 and 19 yards before Yalmeh uses its 1st time out with 48 seconds left. The plays provided a marked stimulant to the fans giving them hope as the ball moved to the Yalmeh 24 yards line.

Vite-C moves to the running game to condition the defense. Also, to run the clock down. The runs go for 2 yard a piece. And, Yalmeh has to use it’s last 2 timeouts.

With not time outs left for Yalmeh, Vite-C takes a knee as he centers the ball in the field to prepare for the winning FG. The Perricone MD coach orders the team to let the clock run. And, the coach calls the timeout with 2 seconds left in the game.

Cleveland Browns - Lou Groza Wins 1950 NFL Championship Game

“Cleveland Browns – Lou Groza Wins 1950 NFL Championship Game” by Roger W (CC BY-SA 2.0), via Flickr.com

Vite-C lines up the kick, the center snaps the ball, and the kick is up and NO GOOD. It’s wide right! Vite-C lowers his head in disgust and starts to slink off the field when he notices a flicker of yellow in his peripheral eyesight.

Vite-C looks up and YES, there is a flag. And, the referee makes the call. It’s offsides on the defense. The referee moves the ball up 5 yards to the 16 yard line.

Vite-C inhales a deep breath and lines up the kick again. The snap is good. The hold is good. The kick goes up and it is GOOD!

Perricone MD wins the game as the clock expires.

FINAL SCORE: Yalmeh Aloe Vera vs Perricone MD (27-30)

Watch this post game interview where a fan goes into great detail about how great the Perricone MD Face Finishing Moisturizer is:

We hope you enjoyed this nail biter of a game.  Remember that the result of the game are a direct result of how well the ingredients of each team performed for their team.

Do You Want the WINNER of This Game?


Box Score

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